| << Lord of Darkness, Lord of Light (Part 2) | Index | Whom The Gods Recall >> |
| Windchimes (Part 1) |
Windchimes (Part 1)
It was late at night on Irfogan, when Han Solo drove his brother-in-law to the Monk's Hill.
"Look," he said. "This is the place the Irfogan King offered for your Jedi Enclave. Looks a bit gloomy in the moonlight."
Luke didn't think so. The softly rolling hills surronding the sprawling, ancient building looked friendly. The aura of the place was quiet, neutral, almost as if it was patiently waiting for better days to come. Such a huge temple would be too large at the beginning, but Luke, too, had hope for better days and a busy Jedi school.
"You'll see it better during the day," Han started the floater and turned East. "I'll take you home now. I don't think anybody went to bed yet. I bet they're waiting up for ya."
"I feel the children..." Luke smiled, "...and Leia... your babies are asleep. Chewie is up. And--" he frowned. "Who's... who else?"
"Your girlfriend." Han shrugged.
"She's not pregnant..." Luke was confused. "I could sense if she was pregnant. I did before. She had my daughter. What had happened?"
"I'd better not get into the gory details. She didn't want your baby. She said you raped her. We had a fight of sorts, and then she went to a clinic and had the fetus removed. Leia promised to carry it to term, and about three weeks ago, Lil came here and brought the medbox with the fetus, but Leia wasn't ready yet, she'd just given birth to our two, and then Lil sort of said that she might change her mind about it, so now I don't know what the hell is going on." Han shook his head. "Sounds crazy, as it is. Did all Jedi have such a ferploinkt private life? Like your father, having twin babies and not knowing about it, and Leia being adopted, and you being fostered, and now your twenty-four kids and a daughter in a box -- I mean, is this normal for a Jedi?"
Luke listened to the sound of the wind; something created a slight, tinkling noise among the trees. "I think it is. I begin to think it would be a mistake to pretend that I'm like other people. I read minds -- where does that leave me? I know more about people than they know about themselves. I see the future. I can sense someone's pain lightyears away. For me, there is another reality on another plane; the Light and the Dark live. You can walk into a place and have a picnic; I walk in there and disembodied evil assaults me. And you can go somewhere and get your head blown off, while I can walk safely, cloaking myself in the Force you can't even sense. I don't think ferploinkt even begins to express what this is."
"You're in a good mood," Han remarked, guiding the floater over a visibly marked path. "I haven't seen you in a decent mood for over a year."
"Because I wasn't in a decent mood for over a year."
"What was it with Lil?" Han finally had to ask. "I can't see you raping her."
"I didn't. But I did something worse. I let her feel my misery, my anger... I was... I guess I was naive. I thought going to bed with her was... I thought she loved me." Luke blushed a little. "I was... how shall I put it,inexperienced in those matters."
"You were a virgin!" Han exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me? I would've gotten you educated in no time. I have connections to the best bordellos in the galaxy."
"I'm not sure I would've wanted to read minds in a bordello, Han," Luke stated dryly. "Besides, I have to deal with this my way. I admit I messed up the first try. I was an infatuated kid, not the man she needed. We never... decided to have a baby, and I couldn't... control myself."
Han laughed. "You think it's natural to do so? Kraat, a few decades ago it was normal to take pills against conceiving. It's this new trend, that a man has to be responsible for restraint... Lucky me, Leia doesn't expect that!"
"Lil did, and I was wrong, very wrong not understanding her." Luke leaned back in the seat, totally relaxed. "I'm not blaming myself for it. I was hurt, and yes, I was betrayed... probably half-crazy with my kids calling for me through the Force, and me not being able to be there to protect them. I had to come to terms with the idea that there might be hours, days, when I'm not doing the right thing -- when I can't, when I don't know how, or when I'm mistaken. I had to understand that I will survive my mistakes and so will the Galaxy."
"I knew that," Han said. "Look, that's the house. Snazzy, isn't it?"
Luke saw a white palace in the distance, surrounded by a beautiful garden. It was glowing with the aura of Leia. "She loves this place." Luke nodded.
"Yeah, she's totally changed here. Nothing of the anxiety, the pain. I guess she also came to terms with being Vader's daughter. It almost killed her, you know." Han's eyes darkened with the memory. "Took some of the old Corelli talent to get her out of it."
"I can imagine. Can't you drive faster?"
Han grinned and pushed the floater to the limit, skimming the treetops 'til Luke begged him to slow down, which of course he didn't. He came to a halt in front of the palace, shaking Luke's insides with a last-minute break-and-turn landing.
"NEVER tell a Corellian to drive faster," Han said when Luke staggered out of the floater.
"I never will again," the Jedi groaned. But his discomfort was immediately forgotten, when his sons sensed his presence and rushed at him, first mentally, then physically, charging down the stairs, all tyring to hug him at once. Luke ended up on the gravel, under a pile of blond, sun-tanned, excited kids, trying to hold each and every one in his arms, in a storm of hugs and kisses.
Han turned away, his eyes starting to blur. This could get very emotional, he thought.
Threepio arrived, with Artoo following suit, whistling as he managed the wide stairs. Leia, her long robe drawn up to her knees, came after the droids. At her arrival, the kids released Luke, sensing his need to greet his sister.
Luke rose and walked up a few steps, reaching out for Leia's hand. "It's been a long time for us."
"You had a lot to forgive me," she said.
"And I could have helped you more when you needed it. I left you alone to deal with something I myself couldn't deal with for years." Luke smiled. "We're both over it now, Leia. This is our start, here and now. A time for peace, for building."
"This is the time of our children. What we fought for." Leia turned back, pulling Luke with her. "Come, see our babies."
Halfway up the stairs, Chewie appeared, claiming Luke for a strong hug. Han trailed behind, surrounded by Luke's kids, who -- as usual -- poked at his mind, wanting to know what he was thinking, and what he had against "mushy reunions".
Leia's children slept in her bedroom, huddled together in a gently rocking basket.
"They don't want to be separated," Leia whispered.
"Don't try. Let them guide you. They are both very strong in the Force. All they need to know is your love." Luke touched the sleeping children. A strong current of power ran through him, and his mind filled with rushing images of the future. "Blessings," he murmured. "I can sense no danger, no threat. Maybe we are going to have peaceful days... months... years."
Leia looked at her brother for a long time. He just stood there, letting himself be examined. She thought he looked strong, calm and confident - she realized she had seldom seen him when he had not been tired.
"Can I talk to you about something personal?" she asked.
"Lil?"
"Yes. I spent a long time talking with her. I don't know what exactly happened between you..."
"Everything. Nothing. Hope. Pain. Anger. Disappointment." He shrugged. "Desire."
"Do you want her to stay with you?"
"I don't know. I don't know her..." Luke paused for a moment, then shook his head. "No, that's not true. I know her well enough. I know she is brilliant, curious, and likes to play with fire. I know she's strong enough to defend herself, and she won't let herself be humiliated. I know she was... is... afraid of me, of my powers. I don't think she wants to be associated with such powers."
"Stars, Luke, what are you talking about?" Leia nearly exclaimed, then lowered her voice, not wanting to wake the children. "I'm asking if you love her and you give me an essay. What do you feel for her?"
A slight tremor ran through Luke's body. "I want to touch her. Hold her. I... would like to know that she loves me. I don't think she does. Maybe love should have more names. because if it's not mutual, it's something else. Infatuation. Need. Obsession. Lust. Maybe that's all this is." Luke smiled at the babies. "They are important. My boys are important. My future Jedi school is important. My love-life is not important."
"If this is how you feel, then you don't love her," Leia smiled, taking hold of his hand.
Luke started to say something, but then he sensed his sons calling. "I must go now. You should go to sleep."
"Good night," Leia smiled, letting him go.
Luke settled down on the grass in the garden, with his boys around him. They were sleepy, but insisted he should talk to them, with mental images and words. Telling them where he'd been, assuring them he wasn't going away again. He kept talking softly, 'til all two dozen of them fell asleep, huddled close together under the starry sky. Blessings, he thought again, after all the bloodshed and pain, this is the time for children. I've been blessed with a small army, he grinned and rose to stretch his limbs. Looking up to the terrace, he saw a woman's slight figure.
He walked closer to the terrace, looking up. Lil came down the stairs to meet him halfway.
"It's good to see you," Luke said.
"You've changed."
"I think so. Peace suits me."
"I like this change."
"I frightened you."
"Yes, you did. I thought about it... I've seen you at your worst."
Luke gave a short, bitter laugh. "You haven't. My worst is an efficient killer, a warrior determined to win. The hero."
"I want to talk to you about the child. You know I've been pregnant. Our child is viable. If you want... I wouldn't mind carrying it to term."
"Carry her to term," Luke corrected. "It's a girl. And I'm not sure I want you to carry her for nine months. She's a Jedi child; she will sense your feelings in the womb. If you resent her, if you feel that she's nothing but Vader's granddaughter, her soul will be twisted. Your feelings will imprint on her."
"Strange," Lil said, visibly astonished. "I said I didn't want to carry your child and had it taken out of me. Now you say you don't want me to carry your child, and I feel insulted. I thought you weren't good enough to father my baby, and you think I'm not good enough to give birth to yours...!"
"Kraat, Lil, we don't have to like each other to love her! I don't give a bantha feather whether you love me or not, but will you love her? Can you love her?" Luke whispered, not wanting to alarm the house, but his voice was intense. "Can you?"
"It's a child, it's my child... How could I not love her?" she said without thinking.
"You had her taken out of your body!"
"And you tried to kill your father!"
To her surprise, Luke smiled. "Thank heavens that you said it. Is there anything else, anything worse you want to say? Just once, let's both say the worst to each other, dare to say it, instead of letting it poison us inside. You wanted me as a trophy, to be able to tell yourself that you had a dangerous Jedi for a lover. Your turn."
Lil gasped. She was the psych-analyst, but this was a therapy she wouldn't recommend. The intensity of it repulsed her.
"I know that you were in love with Leia. How much of it is left? Can you look at her differently now?"
"Yes."
"Yes? That's all, yes? Take your turn."
"You sent me to the Kirdaal prison!"
"It did you good!"
"Your turn."
Lil didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. "Han said you could make me serve you hand and foot and like it."
Luke folded his arms across his chest and smiled. "Yes, I could. And I know it wouldn't be real, and it wouldn't be worth kraat. I could do a lot of other things, too, and so could you! Couldn't you walk upstairs and strangle Leia's babies?"
"Stars, Luke!"
"Could you?"
"Yes, but why would I?"
"There! I could do evil with the best of the dark Jedi, but why would I? Lil, we are all capable of doing the worst, and the best, and most of the time, we're going to stumble along in the middle. Your turn."
"No, it's your turn."
"I hold nothing more against you. Your turn."
Lil trembled under the onslaught of her emotions. "I don't know... you've been... involved with horrible things, Vader, the Emperor... you've touched evil... You have an unnatural power!"
Luke sensed her thoughts even before she formed the words. Pale, unmoving, he looked at her. "Say it."
"You are not... normal." She said it, the words coming from forgotten depths of her soul. Now that she'd said it, she felt at peace.
"You will always be afraid of me," Luke said quietly. "And of our child. You are a strong woman, but you don't want to associate with powers you can't control. No matter what I do, you will never trust me."
"I am sorry," Lil reached out to hold his hand. "I can't help it. I wish I could."
"I'm sorry, too. I'll always be thankful for the child."
"I'll leave tomorrow."
"Go in peace."
"I wish you luck."
They turned away from each other, Lil going up to her room, Luke walking back to the sleeping children. In the soft shadows of the night, their blond hair was luminous. The Jedi allowed himself to sink into the gentle waves of their peaceful sleep, and with this borrowed tranquility, he slept among them.
The next morning, Luke moved into the monastery building. Between the frenzied instructions Threepio gave to the other droids to clean the place, and the excited explorations of the boys, Luke barely had time to see the rooms, until Chewie gathered the kids for the noontime meal.
Wandering through the building, he touched the walls, sensing the centuries of peace, of study and meditation. Shadowy figures appeared to him, memories of old and promises for the future. Young Jedi, resting, training, arguing and joking among the thick stone walls. Sounds of friendship, cameraderie, joy and disappointment, smells of the food in the mess hall and sweat in the gym... strong promises for better days, good days for the Jedi. Luke knew that the futuresight was, at best, erratic, at worst, misleading, but he reveled in the hope.
The building was a fortress, surrounding an inner yard large enough to hold a garden, a natural pond and a circle of stone benches for teaching outdoors. He went out there, smiling as he imagined Threepio attacking the overgrown bushes and wildflowers with a herd of gardening robots, to replace the wild beauty of the place with manicured horticultural perfection.
The pool tempted him. Luke had never gotten used to the luxury of enough water to swim in. Smiling, he took off his dark clothes and waded into the crystal-clear pond. To his surprise, the water was very warm, and as he went deeper, he felt the bubbly caress of a hot, underwater spring. Spreading his arms and legs, he floated on the surface, feeling utterly happy.
So this is THE Skywalker.
The thought, clear and strong, made Luke turn around and search for whoever was watching him.
A woman stood in the circle of stone benches. She wore a long, ragged black robe, hooded to cover her hair. She was barefoot, dusty and obviously very tired. A small traveling bag hung on her back.
Luke moved to wade out of the water, then thought better of it.
As if reading his mind, the woman turned her back to him, standing perfectly still.
Luke climbed out of the pond and hastily pulled on his pants.
The woman turned back, studying him.
"You know me?" Luke asked.
"Quite well, in a way," she smiled. "I'm Elaine Woodbringer and I don't think you've ever heard of me."
Luke shook his head. The name meant nothing to him. When he looked at her, he realized that she wasn't old, probably a just few years older, than him. She was, he thought, pleasant-looking, although he did not consider her beautiful. Her eyes were neither blue nor gray, but a soft, hazy color, and her face was drawn with fatigue. As she removed her hood, he could see that her black hair was short, as if her head had been shaved recently.
"Can I help you?" Luke asked. "I think you're exhausted."
"Yes," she nodded. "I need to talk to you, but I don't think I can stay on my feet much longer. I would like to lie down for a while, with your permission."
"I'll bring you some food." Luke picked up his shirt and boots. "Rest as long as you wish."
When he came back, she was asleep in the shade of the garden, wrapped in her robe. He'd brought a tray of fruits and bread, a container of watered wine. He placed the tray beside her gently and left her to sleep, wondering what she'd meant by knowing him, in a way. Most of the Galaxy knew him, he shrugged. He was more than famous, he was infamous since his relationship to Vader came to light.
He didn't know what to do, and decided to let her sleep. About two hours later, he looked into the garden the woman still slept. Shrugging, Luke went to tell Threepio to look after her and spent the rest of the day with his sons, trying hard to make them understand that they were supposed to respond to their names, individually, instead of them all coming at once. They ended up laughing and rolling in the grass, until Chewie called them for the evening meal.
Threepio had done wonders with the smaller rooms on the first floor; beds were set up and an eating table ready. Luke stroked the old wood with admiration. Even the chairs were wood, intricately carved, shining with fresh polish. Twenty-four pairs of blue eyes concentrated on the plates. Luke was glad to see that the boys had mastered the utensils in his absence, although they were still far from the skills of any normal seven year old, and they chose mental communication over speech every time.
They were done with the soup when Threepio came in with the woman. She was still wearing her worn robe, but she was freshly bathed and looked rested, younger. Threepio made her comfortable at the table with much fussing. She seemed to accept the droid's reverent behavior as perfectly natural.
Still, there was a lot of tension around her. Luke saw that she often stared at the boys, averting her eyes when she thought someone noticed.
"Elaine Woodbringer," Luke started. "Is that an Alderaani name?"
"Yes. I was born on Alderaan. I didn't live there long though. My parents worked in the Center. They were scientists."
"May I ask what you're doing here?" Luke's voice held an edge; the woman was a mystery, and he didn't like mysteries near his sons. He was restless, sensing something that might not have been danger, but it worried him nonetheless.
"I was looking for them," she indicated the boys with a sweeping gesture.
"What?" Luke jumped to his feet, fully alarmed.
"Yes. You see, I was the one who made them."
Luke stared at her, trying to read her emotions, her aura. She was incredibly tense, afraid, worried, and ready to fight. If there was anything else, Luke himself was too excited to see. He got a grip on her arm, and with the touch, a clearer reading. He saw a brightly lit laboratory, his own severed right hand on a table, and the woman, Elaine, in the uniform of the Imperial Science Corps, taking careful samples of the flesh with a small instrument. Nauseated, he let go of her and felt the mute terror of his boys; they were petrified by Luke's strong emotions.
Ashamed, he calmed himself immediately, reaching out to the children with a gentle mental touch, reassuring them that he was, and always would be, in control, at peace, their anchor, their compass -- and that such occasional storms weren't cause for alarm.
"We must talk later," he told Elaine quietly.
He forbade himself even to look at her until the children were asleep. Even then, he knew, they were attached to him through the Force, their unformed minds depended on him -- might depend on him for years to come. He couldn't allow himself another emotional outburst, no matter who Elaine Woodbringer turned out to be.
oooooooShe waited for him in the dining room, sitting patiently where he'd left her. Luke pulled out a chair and sat down, facing her.
"Talk," he said.
"I was working on the clone projects for years. It was the Emperor's idea to clone Jedi. We had several tissue samples in the lab, but those had been taken from dead bodies and were totally unsuitable for the process." Her voice was even and calm, her face expressionless. "The first usable tissue we had..." She couldn't stop herself from looking at Luke's right hand. "It came from Bespin and wore your name. We all knew the gene structure. I think we were the first to realize whose son you were."
"No," Luke smiled. "My father knew it already by then, and so did the Emperor."
"The tissue was excellent for our purposes," Elaine continued. "It yielded two hundred viable clones. Naturally, not all of them were perfect."
"Naturally?"
"Impurities could have entered the tubes from the lab itself, even though we were very careful. The imperfect ones were destroyed at the first stage. Twenty-four immaculate clones remained."
"What was to be their purpose?" Luke asked, his voice strained.
"I don't know. Of course, we speculated about it. Some thought it was the Emperor's idea of a joke... to present them to Lord Vader, telling him he shouldn't be too eager to locate you, as there were plenty of other Lukes. Others believed that they were to be groomed as a replacement for Vader. Or you. There was talk about the Emperor researching identity transfer... and those would have been his spare bodies. There were many other ideas. As clones grow very fast, within a short time they would have been your age and could have been trained to infiltrate the Alliance. I don't know what the original plan was." Elaine shrugged. "Then the war was lost, the laboratory closed down. We were arrested by the Alliance. I had no idea what had happened to the clones. When I was allowed to leave, I went back to the laboratories and learned that the clones were put in stasis and subsequently, stolen, not long after I'd been arrested. Almost that same day, I heard the news bulletin about two dozen clones gaining Irfogan citizenship. I thought maybe this was it, and came here."
Luke took a serious look at her, trying to see something in the weary face, to read her calm, collected mind. She was remarkably hard to read, as if the barriers in her mind were so old that they'd become a part of her. "Why did you want to see them?"
She looked away, her hands clenching and unclenching nervously. "I simply wanted to know if they were being treated well. I didn't know who took them or where. Most people think that clones don't deserve compassion."
"They are my sons." Luke stated quietly.
Elaine glanced at her restless hands and deliberately calmed their movement, intertwining her graceful fingers. "They aren't your sons and they're not your brothers. They are your clones."
Luke wondered if she were trying to bait him. "Technically, yes. But I can't express my emotions in technical terms. I think of them as my sons. I'm their teacher, their Jedi Master, and their father."
"They are perfectly identical."
"Temporarily. Eventually, they'll develop differently. I'll take care of that. I haven't had much time to be with them yet." He smiled. "There's plenty of time now. I don't want to rush them."
"No one has ever tried to develop individuality in clones," Elaine said.
"Should that worry me?" Luke asked slowly.
She looked at him, openly, curiously. "There isn't much that worries you, is there?"
"Not anymore."
There was a well of untold pain behind his words, and she debated if questioning him about it would be wise; but she couldn't stop herself. "Who are you, then? What WAS it that you've found worth worrying about? And why then, why not now?"
Luke stood up and folded his arms across his chest, looking down at her, at the short stubble of her hair. "And who are you? Who is the woman capable of turning a severed hand into hundreds of clones, terminating the faulty ones, developing the good ones, by what authority, on what moral ground?" he demanded. "Creating life by such means is worse cruelty than murder. Lady, you gave birth to those boys, knowing well what kind of fate they were assigned for; what warped, dark future awaited them. Any of those plans you spoke of would have ended up using and discarding them, distorting their soul. Still you created them. And now you come here, checking on me whether I treat them well! Why do you think I stole them? They were to be terminated, like a failed experiment. Sweet suns, they are children!"
Elaine raised her head, her eyes wide. "I know that. Why do you think I came here? I knew nothing -- I didn't know who took them. And even now, I don't know you. You could have all kinds of devious ambitions for them, you might want them as your private army, your unthinking, blindly devoted servants..."
Luke sat on the edge of the table, trying to relax. "And if I do, are you going to steal them back, or what?"
She bit her lips and didn't answer. Luke sensed her strong, desperate emotions and shuddered with the impact.
"Kill them?" he asked.
She remained silent.
"As you've killed the faulty ones?"
"They were mine. I made them!" Elaine cried. "I worked harder for them than any woman who has ever carried a child in her womb. I created them cell by cell, nurtured your fragile tissues to life. I was forced to do it... I didn't want to." Silent tears streamed down her face. "I was a scientist; they wanted my knowledge. I had a husband... and a four-month old daughter. They were taken away from me... and I was told to work or they'd be killed."
Luke swallowed hard and waited for the rest of it.
"I learned much later that my husband and my baby had been killed the day they took me to the laboratories. They were already dead and I thought... I thought I was keeping them alive by serving the Empire... but then... it was too late. I had the clones then... the life I'd created. Beautiful, healthy, perfect boys... not the short-lived, mishappen clones used for stormtroopers.Your clones were real persons, as complex and brilliant as you yourself. They were my babies." Her face hardened, her eyes shining with anger. "I never intended to give them up. It was easy to terminate the flawed ones; the Empire would have used them as experimental subjects in other laboratories, and that meant worse torture than you can possibly imagine. But these twenty-four, I never wanted to give up. I had my plans to save them, hide them. Everything was worked out, all the details. Then the Alliance took over the laboratories and arrested everyone who worked there... and I... didn't know what had happened to them. I think I lost control for a while... I fought... they put me in an asylum, sedated me... When they finally let me go, I came here. I had to know what had happened to my boys."
Luke raised his eyebrows. "Your sons?"
"Aren't they beautiful?" Elaine asked, her head tilted. With her shorn hair and red, swollen eyes, she looked like a fit subject for any asylum. "Please, tell me that you love them."
He slid off the table and knelt in front of her, cupping her hands in his own. "I love them."
She could see the truth of it in his blue eyes, feel it in the strength of his protective hand.
"You have been through hell, Elaine Woodbringer, and I think you're a bit crazy now, a fairly understandable state, considering what they've done to you. But you're at the right place now, among the right people. We've all been through one hell or another. I could tell you stories... of my bond-brother, who spent six months encased in carbonite... my twin sister who saw Alderaan blown to pieces; learning that she was Vader's daughter drove her to the edge of madness, and me... my father cut off my hand and in turn, I did the same to him... and cried over his dead body twenty minutes later, glad that I wasn't the one to kill him, as I was trained to do. Me, twenty-six years of age, having a son for almost all my years and an unborn daughter in a medbox, waiting for a womb."
She shook her head, bewildered. "What are we? What kind of insane world do we live in? What make of being have they turned us into?"
"It's over," he said, his voice firm and gentle, his hand on hers reassuring. He himself delighted in the wellspring of strength inside him, and that he had so much to offer. "It's over now, this is a time of healing.Stay here, with us. We can sit by the fire, and like old soldiers exchange the stories of our scars, drink mulled wine and thank the fates for each second of peace."
Elaine shivered, drawing closer to Luke, as if to seek the warmth of his body. He wrapped his arms around her, rocking her gently. "You have made me beautiful sons, Elaine Woodbringer. They need your love. Stay with us."
Her body went limp in his arms and her voice was an uncertain whisper. "I'm afraid... of myself... I don't know... I still... miss my husband... my child... never had... time to cry for them..."
Luke only held her tighter. "You have time now. Cry now. You've been brave and strong long enough. Cry now."
"And you?" she asked, her eyes meeting his. "Can you take another burden? What do you want with a slightly insane woman, Luke Skywalker?"
He laughed. "I'm a man of small desires and little wants. Right now, all I want is a bed, any bed, as long as it's horizontal... and whatever the future brings, I'll face it little by little, step by step."
"Would you let me sleep beside you? I don't... I don't mean anything... but I don't want to be in the dark alone..."
Luke helped her up and with his arm around her, guided her to a small bedroom. "Sleep safe and sound, Elaine," he said, drawing the blanket on top of her. "I don't mean anything either," he added, stretching out in the narrow space beside her, "I might never... anyway... I think it would be better to keep my distance from women..." His eyes closed, and he sighed. "Too disturbing... too delightful... couldn't do it right..."
Elaine realized that he was half-asleep already. In the dim light of the room, his face was young and unmarked by the turbulent years behind him. His body relaxed in sleep, his breathing even. She lay quietly beside him, waiting for her nightmares to come, but when she drifted off, sleep was deep and comforting.
She woke before him, startled by the sight of his back, his tousled blond hair, and at first she didn't know where she was, or with whom. Luke stirred awake, sensing her confusion, slid out of the bed and sat on its edge, looking at her. Rubbing the slight stubble on his face, he grinned. "You look a sight with your cropped hair, like a bird fallen out of the nest."
"It was shaved in the asylum. But don't think you look all that dashing, with every strand of your hair standing any which way."
"Maybe we should postpone our entries for the Galactic Beauty Contest," Luke yawned. He tilted his head, as if waiting for something. "The boys are up and they're hungry. Come, let's eat with them."
She looked up at him, just as the first ray of Irfogan's sun reached the window and lit up his hair. She wanted to say something, when all twenty-four boys rushed into the room, climbing all over Luke, dragging him, without a sound but with a lot of mental noise, toward the dining room. For a moment, she was left horribly alone , but she rose from the bed and followed them resolutely, drawn by a small, but resilient strand of hope.
In a minute, she was completely overwhelmed by the little boys gathered around her; they reacted to her desire to touch them and reached out to touch her in return. She embraced them, delighted that they were real, alive, healthy and openly friendly. Through their incredible sensitivity, they understood that she cherished them and accepted her into their world without any further question.
It was a very messy breakfast; the boys, their development still way behind their physical age, vied with each other to feed Luke and Elaine, Chewie, even the protesting Threepio with handfuls of fruit and grits. Finally, even Luke gave up every pretense of being in control and ended up laughing. Elaine, still on the verge of tears, couldn't help joining in. She saw Luke as a larger version of her beloved "children".
"Stars, look at us!" Luke gasped. "I've got grits all over me! Come on, everybody, it's the pool for us!"
He ran ahead, daring the boys to catch him; a small hand grasped Elaine's hand, dragging her with them. They bathed in the pool, nearly drowning Luke in their eagerness to help him wash, and their crystal-clear happiness touched Elaine with almost too much force to bear. She had never really hoped to see them protected and loved and happy - never hoped to see them completely accepted by their "father". The best she'd hoped for them was a quiet life in hiding somewhere. Not this, not the wide Irfogan sky, the safe walls of the ancient monastery and Skywalker's strong, confident love. At that moment, she began to hope that one day, she could forget the gray walls of the laboratories and that the emptiness her husband and daughter's death had left in her heart might be filled with peace.
The dripping wet boys climbed out of the water and ran towards the door. Elaine saw a man and a woman come in. Luke swam to shore to greet them and make introductions.
"Elaine, this is my sister, Leia Organa, and her husband, Han Solo, my friend. This is Elaine Woodbringer--" Luke started.
The two women looked at each other long.
"Princess." Elaine bowed.
"Greetings. You must be a member of the Woodbringer Science Family," Leia said formally. "It is an honor to meet you."
"I am the one honored by this meeting," Elaine recited mechanically.
They couldn't look at each other. Luke sensed that it was always like this when two Alderaani met; the memory of their loss perverted even the normal bonds between them, the tragedy too big to bear, impossible to discuss, yet the death of the planet was the only thing they could think of.
Nobody cried enough, Luke thought, the pain is still raw, the healing slow. He wanted to hold them both, protect them; he felt the same need in Han, saw it in the Corellian's eyes. Han shook his head, knowing that no effort could help, that only time could lessen the hurt.
"Elaine came to see my sons," Luke explained. "She was the one who cloned them."
Stars, Han thought, and I was sure Luke's life couldn't get any more ferploinkt. Now here is the lady who dissected his hand and made him two dozen kids... uh, the mother of his children? Did Luke see it this way? Did she?
As the boys surrounded them and clung to them, glad to have enough loving adults for each wet little hand, Han was almost sure he knew the answer.
"Are you going to stay with us?" Luke asked.
Elaine glanced at him, startled by the question. It was late at night; they were sitting by the pool, quietly enjoying the warm breeze. "Are you asking me to stay?"
"I am."
"I want to stay."
"Then it's settled," Luke stretched out in the grass. He wasn't wearing his black tunic, only a plain white shirt, loose in the Irfogan style. "There's something I want to ask you."
She nodded.
"You've lost a baby daughter. I have one... in a stasis box, a few weeks old fetus. Her mother couldn't... didn't want to... it's a long story. Leia offered to carry her to term when she's ready, but since she just gave birth to twins, that could be a while. Besides, there are certain considerations... her being my sister... and Han wants more kids. She should give birth to his children, not mine.
"I was wondering if you'd want to have the fetus implanted," he finished and turned on his stomach, waiting for her answer.
"You don't even know me," Elaine whispered.
"I am a Jedi. I feel people. I don't know you, but I know I can trust you."
"This would make me your wife, in a way."
"No. You're the mother of my sons, why can't you be the mother of my daughter?"
"You're offering me too much," Elaine protested. "I've lost too much; I can't resist offerings of love and belonging. I'm a beggar, you're giving me gemstones."
Luke replied with a soundless laugh. "Her mother thought Vader's granddaughter was a curse more than a blessing."
"Oh! Such a fool!" Elaine exclaimed. "Why, Vader's genetical makeup is absolutely wonderful!"
"Listen to the scientist talking," Luke teased gently.
Elaine started to talk rapidly, breathless. "I want her. I want everything you're willing to give. The boys, your daughter, this place, I want it all. I want hope, I want life. I want to hear laughter. I want to laugh."
"I know. I used to laugh a lot for a while, and then I nearly forgot how to. Gloom is addictive, especially if there are a dozen valid reasons to suffer." His hands formed fists and he forced himself to relax. "But it's over, it's over; now all we have are scars, not wounds."
She hugged her knees, resting her chin on them. "I want to be pregnant. I want to be full of new life... it would heal me, I know."
Luke took up the same position beside her. "I don't want to think of you as a wife. You're free to get bonded if you find the right man. I'm not sure I want to be involved with... sex."
"You were talking about it last night. You said it was too good."
This startled him. "Must have been half asleep," he said, his voice low. "It's not very important to me. I only tried it twice."
"You're fooling yourself," Elaine said. "According to your genetical makeup, you're exactly as sensual as your father. I know, I analyzed both set of genes."
"You have an unfair advantage then. Do I get to analyze your genes?"
"You get to read my thoughts," she replied. "I think we're even."
"Well, there's more to a man than genes. I have a mind," Luke protested. "And my mind tells me I'd better not..."
"But you..." Elaine interrupted. "When you said it was too good, you were longing for it."
"I wouldn't want to use you to satisfy my longings, you know. Besides, you think of me as a slightly larger version of your babies. You don't even think I'm a man."
Elaine turned her head slightly to look at him, as if to verify his opinion, trying, for the first time, to look at him as a man. His mobile mouth, the blue eyes, the line of his jaw, the eternally tousled hair falling on the high forehead, the slim, energetic body. He wasn't what she'd call "her type" -- her husband had been tall and wide-shouldered, heavy, dark, pleasantly slow. "I guess you're right."
"I know I'm right. You'd give me your body as naturally as you'd give lunch to a hungry kid." Luke grinned. "A commendable attitude, but I can live without it. Motherly nurturing isn't exactly my idea of marriage."
She shrugged. "Have it your way." Dreamily, she looked at the dark pond. "One day at a time, you said. We don't have to map out everything, do we?"
"No use anyway... the best laid plans..." Luke felt the cool wind rise, brushing the trees, and again he heard the faint music of the windchimes. "The future changes with every breath we take."
"We had windchimes on Alderaan," Elaine said.
"I've never heard any before I came here." Luke smiled.
"You like them."
He nodded, stretching out on the grass. "I think I'll sleep out here." Sensing her thoughts, he added: "Stay if you wish."
She did.
(End)
| << Lord of Darkness, Lord of Light (Part 2) | Index | Whom The Gods Recall >> |