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| Introspection |
Instrospection
Your existence disturbs me profoundly, my son. Never was I more relieved to see a door close; breaking our contact, shutting you from my sight. I do not require to see you, I only need to hear your name uttered and my soul heaves with long forgotten emotions. I had thought I had banished feelings, such twisting threads of light which bind me still to the past, when I gladly embraced the passions of darkness. It seems I was wrong.
[ Then my father is truly dead.]
Your words. How cleverly you play me. How well designed your actions. How well you manipulate those old feelings.. How easy it is for you to find that person I had once believed vanquished; and now he scrabbles at my back, entreating me, begging me, teasing me with a life I turned against. A destiny I ignored. Anakin Skywalker....
[ It is the name of your true self. You've only forgotten.]
Yes, I had forgotten. I had erased that name from my life; destroyed
his identity and adopted the name the Sith suggested: Darth Vader. How
arrogant, how blind I was.
I chased darkness and power. I sought mastery and supremacy. The Force drove
me, pushed me, and
not once did I question the meaning of my title. I only saw the effect my name
had on lesser beings,
the terror it instilled. My destiny was open to all except myself. The Sith
knew, as did my Emperor,
of your existence. Only I was unaware, and I carried their joke in blissful
ignorance. I am Darth
Vader. I am the Dark Father.
Yes, I had forgotten, and it was my own actions which caused me to first
remember. It was my actions which were perhaps the catalyst to your awakening.
It was my ship
whick chased the Princess Organa to Tatooine. It was my man which sought out
her droids, my troops
which killed your guardians.
Tatooine. A planet of sunlight. How obvious your hiding place now.
My son raised in sunlight,, in a pure a natural energy.
Your presence on the Death Star was masked by Obi-Wan, hidden among
the cloaks of his power. It was only when he died that I first felt the
stirring of another. However, I was
too full of my victory, still drinking down the essence of triumph to fuly
realize what happened;
to place any signifigance to the trace of outrage I had perceived from the
fleeing rebels. I had destroyed
my old master, I had finally rid the Galaxy of the Jedi and defeat of the
Alliance was in sight.
I recognized you as my son. That was my mistake; fo in doing so I
recognized your name as my own; Skywalker. Until then I had been so steadfast
and sure, my determination
impenetrable, my destiny's path clear and coaxing. Now, I was shaken; my
footsteps faltering as I tripped
over your presence.
Our first battle was in the exhaust trench of the Death Star, though at the time
I found it difficult to accept that you could be the pilot I targeted. Your
skills were honed, your
talents exceptional, your strategy unique. This could not be the simple farmboy
I had read about-not this
warrior; not this rebel who carried such strength, who so cooly commanded the
Force. My confusion,
my disbelief were only overshadowed by a sudden understanding; I could not kill
you. I had to possess you,
and so I aimed to cripple your vessel.
I failed.
I vowed I would not fall again. I would not allow our blood relationship to undermine my duty. I refused to be blinded by your growing powers; but they drew me to you. I wanted to reach out my hand to grasp your light, hold it close and stifle it. I became obsessed. I tried to deny that you were my son, and the Emperor played along referring to you as ' Son of Skywalker'. How he enjoyed my torment! How I despise him for hiding, for using you to tease me, using you to keep me on his leash. I loathe his corruption, his foulness; but I envy his clear, pure darkness. I covet the power he possesses. Luke, how can you understand such feelings? How can you know how much I lust until you touch the very core of the Force for yourself? I wanted to show you, I wanted you to possess it for yourself. I wanted you to stand by my side; Father and Son!
You easily fell into my trap on Bespin. You were driven by desires too strong to ignore. Your concern for your friends, your hatred of me! You stood before me, so resolute, so determined, so full of light I almost gagged on its brilliance. Then, you ignited your sword and I felt the thrumming pulse of darkness withing you as you threw your lessons aside and attacked first. I gloried in your struggle, tossed temptation at you, let you gain footing then pushed you back.
You refused to listen; refused to step into the final snare. You were beaten, but would not yield. I could not help but admire your strength. I could not stop the flow of pride which accompanied my growing frustration and anger. It was then you wounded me with a strike of your sword and my fury erupted. I could have killed you then, but again I drew back. I heard your scream as my saber cut. I watched you fall to my feet. I watched your agony. I watched as you drew back, as you moved beyond my grasp.
There was a moment when I could have acted; when I could have reached out and taken hold of you. I chose, instead, to reveal our relationship; to live again with the knowledge that I was once Anakin Skywalker. I chose, instead, to shake the foundations of our lives. I tried to show you that you belonged to me, that all along you were mine, that we would bring peace to the Galaxy through our joined powers. It was then I saw your intentions, your smile, your insane sense of triumph as you realized how to rob me of my desires and, in desperation, I threw out my hand to stop you...
[ Come with me, it is the only way!]
...and all I grasped were the shreds of your beliefs. You rejected me. You
rejected Vader. You chose death.
I could not let you go. I could not accept your denial. I turned my eyes to
your speeding ship and called your name.-and you answered.
[ Father.]
My son, you know only too well that which I try to refute. You know the effect your acknowledgement had when I realized you were speaking, not to the Dark Lord, but to Anakin Skywalker; and to my horror, it was he who replied. And thus, your game began.
[ Come with me.]
My own words turned against me, and the first blow is struck. You have grown, become bold. You have acquired an edge to your personality, a darkness I find alluring, a depth I cannot reach. You have become confident with your powers, accepted what you are and from where you came. You have become a dangerous enemy; and for the first time I find myself grieving for you, for you remind me of myself and of all I sacrificed when I chose this path. You make me aware of how fragile the future is, how easy it can be to shape events when they totter so. The galaxy revolves around us; we are the pivotal players in the game, and our choices and reactions will have many repercussions.
Much depends on how well you withstand the Emperor's moves; for he is a skillful
player. If you turn, as my master wishes, then the Galaxy will forever endure
darkness. If you stand
strong, then you shall sureley perish, and I have no wish to destroy you. I
have no desire to take
back the life I gave you. I...
Enough!
You are so very clever! You manipulate so well! Our short exchange of words
are but the beginning of our battle, and your abilities astound me already.
Even now, I can feel you as you
eagerly seek out the man you believe exists beneath this armor. However, I am
bound by my vow to serve
the Dark Side; the oath I took to the Sith and the Emperor when I shrugged off
the Light. I am not used
to such conflicts. I am not used to such weaknesses; to such frustratng, petty
feelings which
nibble persistently at my determination , and which have caused me to falter in
the past!
You thought to unbalance me with your words. How disappointed you must be
that they have only served to make me stronger! Your perseverence has forced me
to remember the
man I once was, and why I tossed him aside, and I am able to shed his residue
without mourning. You
have forced me to examine my previous actions, my dealings with you and why
they failed. It is all so
clear to me now; as clear as this moon's light, and I am resolute. Our
destinies lie before us,
Luke, and I will not falter again. I shall obey my master!
And you will turn, Or you will die.
Your existence disturbs me profoundly, my son...
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