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| Rebel Yell |
Rebel Yell
Teacher’s Flats, Shropshire Grove University, Shropshire, England, 2021
Terhayne Kelvynn Dunnhuei, Professor of Ancient British History and Wiccan Traditions at Shropshire Grove Uni., had one whopper of a headache. Massaging the spot directly between his eyes with the tips of his long, powerful fingers, he sighed. Dunnhuei’s emerald eyes were fixed on an object - something that if pursued could have led him - his life through another path - a different destiny. This something - a thirty-eight year old black and purple ‘Flying V’ shaped electric guitar beckoned to him from the corner where it sat.
'If I'd stuck with that Heavy Rock band AUTUMN JADE, I'd have been world renowned, and probably in rehab now! I reckon I wanted to live slow and die old!' the diminutive Professor thought as he passed his left hand casually through his ever-thinning ashen and brown chin length hair. The migraine only accentuated the boredom he was experiencing.
The dull throb had been brought on by endless hours of grading piles of papers, diskettes, and reports full of romanticized dogma that his students only pretended to understand...
'They couldn't care a flying fig about their country's past.' Again, a sigh escaped the Professor's lips as he got up and walked over to where the Flying V was, gingerly picking the instrument up.
His students probably would have thought a lot more of him and his teachings had they known of Terhayne's true talents. If there ever was an equivalent, or as close as one could get, to Mozart, in the Heavy Rock circles, it was 'Tez'. Sitting in lotus position, he began to caress the guitar's fretboard - his dear old friend - with him for well over a quarter of a century. Trying to banish the pounding in his head, his graceful digits walked, ran, and stomped up and down the maplewood deck. As Terhayne closed his eyes, another gift emerged. Friends of the man didn't call him the 'Wizard' for nothing. Master of both guitar and ancient magicks was he, and no more potent was his latch on 'sight' than when he was jamming.
Visions always came at times like this, but instead of seeing spirits, or past / present events, his inner eyes spied men and women 'dancing' with laser swords (?!), gigantic creatures covered with fur, androids galore, and technology that astounded him.
The pressure in his head seemed to intensify, and erased the strange sights from his mind. Annoyed that the pain took these bizarre images away before he could interpret them, he grabbed his guitar, and a gallon of Woodchuck cider (usually reserved for those few times he had company), and strode into the room where he practiced far more than he preached in that Wiccan Traditions course of his.
Blinking, the wild apparitions reappeared and became closer to him with each passing moment. Rubbing his eyes, Terhayne wondered if he was going crazy. The pain confirmed he was not...
Little did Dunnhuei know that the mother of all migraines was shared by his equal; a man from another galaxy far, far away...
Jedi Master Flats, Jedi Training Grounds, New Alderaan
Luke Skywalker tried to isolate the pressure behind his temples, but to no avail, the throbbing roared between his ears again, louder!. Stang!", the Jedi swore. All this in vain!" A yawn escaped his lips, as he rubbed his sky blue eyes hoping to banish the eternal pile of data pads and diskettes that littered his study.
It was the warm seasons again, when all of his and Leia's pupils would have time to themselves, to socialize, among other things. Luke always left tedious things, like grading reports and such , until they veiled the floor, rising up to just underneath the ankle of his boots. Leia would not approve he knew, but he hated this part of teaching. If it were up to him, the students would learn the code, sure, but they would have a vast majority of hands on training. He was lucky he could even teach for a whole trimester. Although the galaxy was a lot more peaceful than even ten years ago, there was still unrest.
'Not enough chaos for me though,' Skywalker thought. 'I'm sorry Yoda. I just get itchy waiting for something exciting to happen. I know it's not the Jedi way, but I can't seem to shake it.'
Bored, the Master wished his ever brash and crazy Corellian brother-in-law ,Solo ,was around; but all of his closest relatives had gone away for a much needed family outing - leaving Skywalker alone. He had wanted to go, but someone had to stay behind to keep the peace, and in case any new students showed up. That was the other thing that bothered him. The lack of young being rich in Force talents. The last recruit had been the wonderful Twi'lek Mekk Laruoona - an eager and powerful student, who should be ready for Knighthood any day now. But Mekk had come to him four years ago, saving his life. Since then, very few young Force sensitives had come knocking at Luke's door, eager to learn from him. He couldn't reach everyone, but he had to attempt it.
'It's my flipping destiny...' he grumbled.
Fed up, Skywalker left his software littered study for the intimate comforts of Han and Leia's private chambers. He strode over to a particular cabinet nestled behind the lavish fluid bed. There, some of the strongest and most intoxicating inebriants in the galaxy were kept. Sighing, Luke smiled as he opened Pankora's Box.
'Never got myself really loaded, but I don't think it'll hurt once in my life,' the Jedi thought. 'Besides this pounding in my head just won't stop. Hmmm, PanGalactic Gargle Blaster... naah, I've heard about those, becoming utterly stupid isn't my idea of fun; hmmm, oooh Mad Wookiee No.7 - 500% proof, sounds good!' Satisfied, Luke grabbed the ominous looking container and prepped himself for a most interesting hike in the woods just beyond the Government grounds. "No one will miss me for a few hours at least..."
Fatang-Fantin Woods, New Alderaan, 20 hexamins later
Freely chugging the Mad Wookiee No.7, Luke strode through the thick forest humming a dirty Corellian bar song that Han had taught him years before. As the liquor penetrated his system, and Luke began his descent into temporary oblivion, a vision assaulted his eyes.
There he was - could it be him?! - in a tattered, chain adorned pleathur outfit, his hair now a blinding platinum blond and spiked, Luke was screaming into a microphone. He was onstage in some club with a band! Just like those groups he used to envy on Tatooine. In the teen hangouts, these kids and beings would get up there and scream the doldrums of their lives; how he wished he could get up there and curse the vaporators, and Owen's strict rules, but this picture in his mind was... now! Puzzled, he continued deeper into the entanglement of the woods and his mind...
Teacher's Flats, Shropshire Uni
Terhayne sat in the middle of his inner sanctuary. Already feeling a little better and more comfortable now that he had escaped the sea of plagerized tree pulp, and the eqially drab confines of his painfully stuffy business suit, Dunnhuei took a few deep breaths and smiled. If any of his fellow Professors saw him now, they'd probably laugh. For there Trehayne sat, adorned in his favorite clothes, tattered gray denim bellbottoms, a tunic that terminated in widesleeves, a patch work of all shades of brown, and platform boots of an awful pea green and pearl white, graced his feet. Atop all this was a blue and purple caftan decorated with the usual star and moon 'wizard' motifs.
Smiling, he pushed strands of ashen streaked brown hair from in front of his eyes and tucked them behind his left ear, thus feeling the three simple silver hoops that adorned the lobe. His left hand continued its journey to his chin, where an ever growing entanglement of chestnut and silver beard threatened to consume his chest. Breathing slowly and descending deeper into his subconscious, the magi's emerald eyes gleamed intently, focused upon the green candles now lit outside of where he sat, a pattern of evergreen knots burning concentration into his mind. Time to forget about the pulsing drone inside his skull, to void the endless reports and papers beyond this realm. Once again, the mage caressed his guitar and let his eyelids descend, hoping to learn more of the strange visions that recently sprang into his mind. Reality too, would be nice to escape from. Of course, Terhayne could drown himself in the gallon bottle of Woodchuck cider within his grasp. After the first draught of the strong apple spirits he was again hit by the bizarre apparitions of warriors with lightswords. They seemed to be getting larger and drowning out his perception. Even his inner eye was confused: a great forest of wild colors sprang up before him, and much stranger, Dunnhuei felt time regressing, decades seemed to erase themselves as the cider disappeared and the unknown wooded lands loomed ever closer. He felt like a teen again as his world went black...
Fatang-Fantin Woods, New Alderaan 2 hexahours later
Luke was now sufficiently drunk, the Mad Wook No.7 roaring through his system. The Jedi Master stumbled through the almost impossibly dense thicket of wood and vine. He never remembered it being this hard to go through.
"Aw Stang! Forget itsh, youuur hert how," he mumbled with an uncharacteristic giggle. Since Luke had never gotten this wrecked before, his Force powers seemed dim inside his head. He was temporarily useless. Tripping over a large tree limb, he cussed a moisture farmer hex that Owen had often growled at the vaporators and started to verbally abuse the branch. Preoccupied with this task, Luke never sensed the equally-sloshed if not more so - form that was coming at him, actually about to fall on him from above.
With a loud crash, a now teenaged Terhayne Kelvynn Dunnhuei fell atop the unsuspecting Jedi Master. It was an entrance that neither of the men would forget.
WWWWUUUUMMMMMMMPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
"What the... Son osh ah jumpin' --------„ Luke stopped himself, scrambling to throw off what appeared to be a hybrid of Wookiee and boy. His drunken body ached.
"OOOOuuuoooch!" the hybrid screamed. "Bloody flippin' HELL Man! Watch 'ere yoo're walkin' blondy!"
Luke had to shake his head in order to barely understand the thick accent that bellowed from the liquor drowned tongue before him. "What where you're falling is more like it buddy!"
"Eh, coom, coom on then, wanna start a fight blondy, coom at me bastard!" The youth staggered, trying to stand up only to trip himself on Luke's boot. He fell again. "Cripes! You're a real klutz, blondy! Let's rock man! I'm not taking no for an ans'er!"
"An answer to what?" Luke was sobering up now, years of Jedi detox got him clear headed a lot sooner than he wanted to be.
"Are ya dumb man?!" the youth questioned. "Starin' at the lava lamp too long? Groovin' at the disco til the cows coom 'ome???! Can ya dig what I'm sayin' ...oh frag!" He looked around him, confused. "Where am I? Flippin' Shearwoode bloody forest! There ain't no forest where I damn work! ...u don't und'rstand me, man! ...Stoopid as a dead fly ya be, coom on then I want to fight ya Yank knowitall!!!"
Skywalker stared dumbfounded at the weird youth before him, but Luke wanted no conflict. Gingerly removing his Jedi weapon from its place on his belt, he backed off a meter or two keeping a safe distance between him and the boy. Depressing the safety catch on the noble sword, the luminous blade of shimmering green slowly rose from the depths of the weapon's handle. The ranting Briton suddenly froze at the sight before him. Transfixed by the emerald light, the teen struggled to speak.
"Oh, no, no, no... I, I dreamed of this weapon, I've dream'd of you! Goddess preserve meself! Damn, I need a drink..." He looked as if he would faint. Uttering a soft moan, the young mage did just that, collapsing into a tangled heap at Luke's feet. As he bent over to aide this strange boy, he felt the younger man's aura.
Stunned that the little one had almost a gallon of potent liquor in his system, and, more importantly, that this youth was as strong in the Force as Luke himself was.
"He's... he's a master?!" Luke utterly stunned muttered. "Whoa! I better take him back to the flat." Cradling the diminutive youth in his arms, Luke spied what could only be the belongings of his weird guest. Slinging the oblong packs on his back, Luke strode back to the training grounds, his mind awash with wonder.
Later at Luke's flat
"Hey blondy! Ya 'till haven't taken this brown muck off me tunic!" the youth protested. "I'm an not at all chuffed with the situation man! Mean, spent three weeks worth o' dole money on this styling shirt, and ya in yoor sleek black threads coom a strolling along and throwin' muck on meself --- 'ey, why you laughin'!"
Luke was close to hysterics. "You, my little friend are drunk beyond reason. The 'brown muck' happens to be the color of your tunic."
Terhayne stopped glaring at Skywalker long enough to look down at his shirt - it was a patchwork of all shades of brown! "Oh, alright now," he sang. "Um, ooh yeah, right on blondy! I KNEW it wuz brown. Hee, hee. I wuz just foolin' ya blondy locks!"
"The name's Skywalker," Luke smiled. "Luke Skywalker ---"
"Luke Skywriter?" the boy asked. "Skywriter, ho! Oh me mates would love that one! So, ah, wot kinda groovy things ya write in the clouds man... hick..."
Luke couldn't stifle the giggles waiting in his throat. He enjoyed the boy in his drunken state, but really wanted to detox him, anxious to know about the young man's great Force skills. It would help to have another Master about, and, maybe one as young as this boy would attract more new recruits. Luke studied the form before him. The little teen's clothes were a blinding, color clashing eyesore - not to mention flamboyant - but it was the face that intrigued the Jedi most. A seemingly childlike visage looked at him. Piercing eyes wore a wisdom far older that the boy's years, their intense deep green shining like jewels. Luke observed that the young man was almost constantly swiping his left hand through the thick and unbelievably long brown hair. The hand went and tucked some hair behind a strangely adorned left ear, three silver rings pierced the lobe. The pushed back hair revealed something else too. Luke gawked at the brass ring adorning the left nostril of the boy's nose.
Feeling squeamish, Skywalker wanted to turn away, but couldn't. All he could do was ask, "Does that hurt?" pointing to the adorned nostril.
"Aw this?" the youth raised his hand to the ring, "naaah. It's a bastard when you gotta cold and hafta blow, but no way, it's totally ace. Y'know Skywriter ya'd look truly cosmic with one! I can do it... yeah, yeah most groovy. Can see ya on the dance floor, screaming and hustlin' with the lights glinting on your majestic honker!" Luke squirmed at the thought. "Yeah, yeah, I can do it, pierce the nose and bang the head that doesn't bang! Hee, hee... 'ey, brother ya got a strong voice doontcha?"
Luke was confused. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Oh, um with th---," finally the young man spied himself in the lifesize reflector near by. "GODDESS..." He looked about ready to faint again.
"What's wrong?!" Luke asked feeling helpless.
"My Goddess, I'm a, I'm a cub again..." Terhayne noticed Luke was staring at him and got angry. The Briton stood up defiantly before his host and growled. "Okay, Skywriter, where in the bloody hell am I? This is NOT Shropshire Grove in England!"
"England?" Luke asked innocently, "Is that a planet?"
"A planet? Hey man, cut out that acid you're droppin' and wake up!" Terhayne demanded. "Wot you mean is England a planet? Earth to Skywriter, wot bleedin' damn rock did ya crawl out from brother?"
"Tatooine..." Luke replied innocently.
"Eh wot... wait this isn't Great Britain?!" Terhayne looked around the room noticing it was plainly decorated, but there seemed to be a slightly religious theme to the sparse furnishings. "Oh, whoa! No way... no flippin' way man! Don't tell me... I'm, ah, in Utah?! Oh Lord, I'm a good lad, but didcha hafta toss me to a Murmur, oh um a moron, no... eh a Mormon!"
"Utah? What system is that?" Luke felt awfully stupid, knew he should have listened to his Specer Geoholograph teacher more closely! He tried to soften the shock that the ranting youth was experiencing. "Listen friend, if we're going to get anywhere, what's the name of your home planet?"
This seemed to make the boy even more upset. "Home planet? Skywriter I know I'm droonk, and you're playing head games with me, but stop the jive alright. We're both frum Earth, the Sol System, the Milky Way Galaxy, and I'm in Utah ,thirty-seven years younga than I wuz last night!"
"Wot! Bloody Wot... why are ya looking at me like that - I mean, I am in Utah right! Right! You're a Mormon, and think I'm soom leech of the devil right!" Frantically, the boy went for one of his oblong packs. Luke decided he would tell the youth where he was: in a galaxy that was far, far away from his own... that they were both on New Alderaan, but instead, found himself rolling into a Jedi defensive stance at the sight of a harsh looking weapon the younger man suddenly pulled from his belongings. The lightsaber was poised for activation, Luke's ice blue eyes intently watching the bizarre and painful looking torture device only meters before him. The boy strutted before Luke, a menacing smile leering from the wild face. He looked possessed. Luke waited - ready - as the boy slung the thing over one shoulder.
"I'm not on Earth!" Terhayne exclaimed. "Man, who put that shredded peyote in my cider! Probably that old wanker Professor Mottian! He wuz always jealous of me! Bastard! I'll show him, I'll find his home and do a cosmic medley of BLACK SABBATH songs under his bedroom window! Yeah that'll do it! He always hated me musics." Terhayne stopped short as he looked at Luke. Something was wrong with Skywriter. This seemed to calm the boy. "Hey man, what's wrong..."
"What is that!" Luke pointed to the weapon slung over the boy's shoulder.
Terhayne began laughing, his own fears quickly faded, as he saw the way Skywriter stared at him. "Oh right on man! Tell me soomthin' are ya 'fraid of this?" he giggled. "Hey, it's cosmic man! This is wot yoo're freaking out o'er! Far out!"
Luke felt himself nodding, glaring intently at the purple and black wood and metal pointy thing. Buttons and switches were clustered towards one of the malicious looking sharp ends. A long 'neck' had six wires of varying width running almost the length of the instrument. Sighing, the Jedi again removed the saber from his belt. It was wrong to show fear, but Luke did not like the crude device or the way the boy's eyes lit up as he caressed the thing. "Okay, what is that!" Luke asserted.
"Calm down mate," Terhayne insisted. "It won't hurt ya, unless it's plugged into a wall of amplifiers. Hee!"
Luke blushed, turning the red of a nasty root vegetable Beru used to make him eat. "Ah, amplifiers, this 'thing' makes painful music?" Luke felt intensely stupid.
"Ha, ha! Goddess! You sound like some sorry music critic who was forced to review BLACK SABBATH!" the youth laughed. "It's a musical instrument Skywriter... a guitar... you can play songs on it. All the emotions in the universe can be conveyed on this. It's just the most cosmic and groovy thing man! Totally Dynomite! Like I asked ya before have you ever sung? Ya got a strong voice brother..."
"That's a musical instrument..." Luke said, oblivious to anything else the boy said.
To show that this was indeed a weapon of sound and melody Terhayne sat idly upon Luke's bed, and began to strum upon his beloved V. Luke's eyes opened wide, for even though the guitar was not plugged into an amplifier, the husky sounds made by the man and metal wire were amazing. This was a magic all unto itself. Tezzy sighed looking up at Luke whose face was awash with emotion, and started talking in that strong accent again.
"Skywriter... me name's Terhayne Kelvynn Dunnhuei, Tez or Tezzy does me just fine. If ya really want to get technical with the astral intros tho' just call me the Wizard!" Luke was stunned, this boy was doing this to him all too often. Right out of nowhere he brings up his Force powers. "Yeah, Luke I'm a Wizard on guitar and also in real life if ya take me meaning. Me mum, Goddess bless her, she was daft for our, um, me time. Belonged to a Sisterhood of Druids, and taught me a great deal before I coold walk. Mean, I knew lotsa spells, components, and all sorts of magicks while other toddlers were learnin' how to say mama - rather astral eh! Plus I've been told me telepathy's pretty strong. Me visions coom most when I jam."
The young mage stared at Luke and changed the subject. "Y'know Skywriter, you're joost a clos't punk rocka waitin' to be unleashed upon the worlds. Yeah I know how ya longingly looked at me guitar once ya knew what it was. Ya usta wish you could get up on stage and curse the duldrums of your life."
"Yeah, that's right... how did you know?" Luke asked, hoping to reveal more of the boy's magickal skills.
"I'm the same as you Skywriter. A wizard too, and one that chose academics instead of..." Terhayne waved his hand at the mounting pile of data pads and diskettes in Luke's study, "the life we always wished we coold taste. Even if it wuz for a little while! Why so glum Skywriter?"
"Well, I have to use my powers for justice and the good of the galaxy," Luke answered. "I'd be afraid to use them even for entertainment purposes as that could lead down the dark path. It's the blight of the Jedi, to be straight and narrow down the lightside of the Force, we can't even party for the fear of doing something that may lead to evil." He sighed. "I don't have a life outside of this!"
"Aw man, what a drag Luke." the younger man sighed; as he, too, began to commiserate. "You call this the Force, that's totally groovy! We call it Nature back where I'm frum. That sounds cool that you get to train others to use their magickal talents, you helpin' people with yoor power. I nevah could. I wasn't allowed to teach any real magicks, because there were factions of magi who used their powers for evil, and they were on the rise." Luke saw the wisdom in Terhayne's eyes as he spoke. "The University - ah school - were 'fraid if some knowledgeable 'hippy' druid like yours truly taught the true acts and rituals there would be bedlam. So all I could do was teach lore. Nobody coom to me classes after a while either. Reckon they thought since they couldn't learn how to curse the punter they tied their shoelaces togeth'r, or throw a love hex on soom babe that otherwise ignored 'em wot was the point?"
Luke suddenly didn't feel bad. He and Terhayne were very much alike. And why shouldn't Luke have fun? The two continued learning more about each other as their conversation rolled on.
Three hexahours later...
"Hey look, since no one's here for a few weeks why don't we do something a little rash?" Luke asked, intently focusing on the youth's fingers, as they wove dizzying patterns up and down the wood neck. The sounds that came forth from the amplifier stunned Luke. Already spellbound by the music unplugged, to hear it amplified was something else. A barrage of thunderous chords slowly plummled a hypnotic drone in between Luke's ears. Tez casually unveiled a flurry of notes in rapid succession to the shocked Jedi Master. Now would be a good time to start the blond into the singer mode, so Dunnhuei began to sing. "'Ere we go, down the paths of confusion/Attacked by visions of illusion/Astral spirals weave their way into my mind/AUTUMN JADE a veil upon mankind." Luke started humming along with the melody he'd heard.
"Nah, nah Luke my boy," Terhayne instructed. "Ya magicks in tha throat!"
Skywalker went white with panic. "Ah wait - you don't mean you want me to SING?!!?" Luke's voice shrieked the last word as Tezzy thrust the headstock of the guitar into Luke's groin.
"Course silly! And I'll do betta than that mate, I'll make ya into the most awesome vocalist this galaxy's 'ver seen man!"
"Wait... you want me to sing into a microphone."
"Naaah---"
"OH, thank the Force!" Luke exclaimed cutting Terhayne off.
"Wot I was 'bout to say Skywriter," Terhayne tried again, "yoo're not gonna sing, yoo're gonna screech like ya being electrocuted!"
"Ah, I've actually been through that and I don't want to go living through it again!" Luke objected.
"Ya kiddin' me?" the boy asked. "Joost ta figure of speech Luke. I mean yer not gonna be doin' this limp tentacled bit if ya get me meanin'. Yoo're gonna rock, and I'll be there right behind ya." Terhayne smiled.
"Why can't you sing," Luke protested. "I mean I can't get up there, in front of all those people who know who I AM!"
"Aaaahh yes, that's the problem iz it?" Terhayne asked. "They don't call me the Wizard for nothing man! Dig this, I can make ya look drastically different without much of a change."
"That doesn't make sense..."
"Shut you trap a minute and let me 'plain man, it's too cosmic to pass up!" Luke complied, and sat silently as the youth elaborated. "It can become your persona. Yer alter ego. Still... I think you'd look just smashing with a nose ring!" Terhayne tried once more.
"No! No! No!" Luke insisted.
"Fine, fine mellow out man," Terhayne shrugged. "Damn you need a good spliff right now! Yoy be a bundle o' nerves - some Mary Jane'll make ya sane! Shame I don't have any, not that I smoked much anyway, but me friend Dorreyan - Man, he could smoke a joint as wide as yer hand!"
Luke finally figured out what the boy was talking about, and looked intently at him. "Jedi do not use mind altering drugs."
"Oh," Terhayne stood, and moved around to Luke's back. "Okay. Where wuz I? Right, your persona." He started toying with Luke's hair.
"Hey!" Luke protested, "What are you doing?"
"All I'm doing blondy is thinkin' about wot we can do with ya."
"But.," Luke fidgeted uneasily.
"Damn, I can see why your Masters got crazy!" the youth insisted. "Don't have any weed, but maybe this'll do the trick. Open wide blondy!" With speed that shocked the Jedi, Tez leapt atop him.
"Hummpphhh," Luke gagged as Terhayne poured the cider he had grabbed from his pack, down the man's mouth.
"But..."
"Yeah, Luke... ya want more, good boy - open wide." More of the golden blood flowed down Skywalker's throat. Terhayne began scanning the room, oblivious to the effect of the British spirits on the Warrior Priest. He jumped a good ten feet when the sudden crash of Jedi flesh upon the floor made him look.
"Oh flippin' heck.. Tez spat at the unconscious form before him, "This is gonna take soom work!"
Two days later
Luke woke up with a splitting headache. He had no idea how long he'd been out cold. No Force power in the galaxy could banish the agonizing pounding in his head. The painful pulse felt and sounded like a herd of Banthas charging towards an enemy.
The Jedi made every effort to sit up, but found the room was spinning even more than his head. He fought the dizziness, and after a few moments, got up and immediately tripped over the innate form of Dunnhuei.
"Good skies!" Luke exclaimed.
"Ta very much Skywriter," Terhayne snapped, "Righto in the spleen man! Yoo're a mess." Tez growled, it was much too early to be awake.
"Hello to you too, Terhayne," Luke commented, massaging his head.
"We better build ya up to this slower." Tez turned over to get a better look at Luke.
"Terhayne," Luke began. "I'm beginning to think this isn't a good idea."
"Bah!" the Brit protested, and rose. "Today is persona day. Cosmic-flareout-trippy dippy-day, and I found me the coolest flares!"
"Huh?" was all Luke could manage.
"The most stylin' pants ever created man," Terhayne beamed. "You Yanks call 'em bellbottoms, but we call 'em flares! These trousers man!" Tez pointed at his clothes. "Oh, but they ain't nothin' to me coolest pair. But back to ya, Skywriter - you'll be the most kickass Jedi Knight ever! People will flock to you, like bees to honey. And the girls, the women, oh goodness Luke, they go MAD for musicians, especially sexy blond vocalists. Oh all the crumpet you'll be scorin' baby! Can ya dig it!"
"I'm not doing this to act like a Corellian, Dunnhuei," Luke corrected. "I don't even know why I'm agreeing to this. I feel terrible, lord knows what I look like... Maybe we should just concentrate on your Jedi education."
"Wot!" Tez was stunned. "No rocknroll all night and party everyday! Bollocks! Hey are ya thirsty?"
"Yeah... bu---" Luke couldn't prevent Terhayne from pouring the liquor down his throat, but as it went down he didn't want to fight it. The taste was rather nice really. And the calmness it brought... 'What was I upset about anyway?' Luke thought.
"Luke ya know as well as I do," Terhayne's accent sounded hypnotic, "that music can be very enticing. Joost try it once. You'll see how much fun it can be, try it and then I'll show ya how to disco dance!"
"Disco dance... try it, yeah hey..." Luke mumbled and passed out again. The alien liquor destroyed his equilibrium, and his consciousness.
Luke awoke with a start. He wasn't feeling well in mind, or in the flesh. Putting a hand to his head - he could have sworn he felt his hair sticking out in random directions.
"Nooo! TERHAYNE!" he yelled.
"Oh, stylin' yer up and so iz that hair - GROOOOVY eh? Wot ya think of it man?" Tez handed Luke the hand reflector.
"By Yoda!" Luke swore. "YOU DID SPIKE IT? My God - get rid of it now!"
"Hee, hee." Terhayne laughed. "Wot a pisser, I reckon I'm gonna hafta refuse mate. No can do oh most hip one, the hair gel I found is timed. It falls flat two hours after dawn baby! Hmmm, I can still recognize ya easily." The boy acted like he was going to swipe Luke in the face when his surprisingly large hand graced the elder man's chin. "How long before the chin grows Skywriter?"
"Huh?" Luke asked. My chin---"
"Yeah, y'know, a beard, whiskers, rat's nest, nature's moss man."
"Forever." Luke grumbled.
"Mmm, too bad," the boy frowned. "Ya should seen me when I was gray, man! Had a growth to here, lookin' totally like a Wizard - wonder if I can do it again! Mmm, yeah trippy. Wot are these Luke, these tubes?" Tez held up tubes that looked a lot like what oil-based paint came in.
"Oh those." Luke shrugged. "Just my nieces and nephews face paint. They like to dab it on when they practice combat maneuvers, it's something my brother-in-law taught them," Luke explained. "They say it helps them concentrate and focus on the Warrior aspect of the Force training. It frees them of their doubt."
"Frees of their doubts eh?" Terhayne smiled. "Oooh, 'lectric blue-cosmic-perfect for those eyes of yoors. Yeah, a little here a little there... be still!"
"But," Luke squirmed under the painter's efforts.
"Oh hush it, wow - check it out! Truly astral brother!"
Luke peered into the reflector and instantly smiled. There was a screaming blue comet painted on the right side of his face. It looked pretty cool with the hair actually. It looked so outlandish, like the revellers on sobba-sobba day. He LIKED it!
"Oh did ya notice how the blue reacts with the color of yoor eyes Luke, pretty intense, but somethin' iz lackin'. Wait, wait..." Terhayne pulled something out of a box that was near the facepaint. It was an eyepatch. "Here," he continued as the patch was draped over Luke's left eye. "Brilliant! Brilliant!" the boy crowed. "Mr. Comet... Cometwalk—no, COMETRUNNER. Yes, yes! Velocity Cometrunner!"
"Whowhawhen? Cometrunner?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, yoor stage name - dig it baby! Coom, let's find ya some clothes to fit this fantastic face," Tez insisted.
"Terhayne, nothing like what you've got on." Luke smirked. He was lightening up and charming up to the idea. Aboutfraggintime.
Three nights later. Sullest Swing Club, 200 Asteroid Field Walk, New Alderaan
"Hey Handsome!"
"Me? You're talking to me?!"
"Yes, sexy. Oooooh, I just love a man that packs his prize both in and out." The mysterious woman grabbed Luke's abstract saber and his privates, she didn't see him go cross-eyed. "And prickly hair just makes me purr. Why don't I buy you a drink Mr... Mr...?"
A small figure cut between the two, the strong accent almost as loud as the clothes on this being. "Eh yeah, baby! This 'ere iz Velocity Cometrunner lassie." Tez began. "I'm his cohort - The Wizard! And you, my astral mama, are?"
"Queineta Riverflower. You're kind of cute too magi. My, my is that really your hair?" she asked.
"Did Saint Patrick bash up the Celts with 'iz religion - yeah it iz my most stylin' flower - every strand baby!" Terhayne bowed, getting ready for the kill, when an unwelcome nudge interrupted him. "Cometrunner... wot's up?"
"That band up there," Luke was pointing. "They... ah, suck something awful! That should be us Wizard!"
The girl grew wide-eyed. Musicians as well?!
"Yeah, cosmic lass me and me pal 'ere are REBEL YELL, the heaviest, hardest, most magickal band in this system!"
"Oooooh musicians!" the girl purred, "I like musicians - very much! How's about a threesome Wizard?!"
Tez liked his sex, but not mixed and not more than he and the lady. Better let ol' Luke hit the hay with this one.
"Naaaah, I like it a twosome lassie," Tez answered, "but if ya want wild, Velocity 'ere is your man!" He nudged Luke who reeked of some awful alien liquor. The man never really had recovered from the effects of Tez's homeland brew. The Jedi was all but staggering. The two turned to face Riverflower again and a huge hulking man - who Luke thought looked like a Rancor beast, and smelled worse, had suddenly appeared.
"HEEEEYY!!" the monstrosity growled.
Luke was becoming very cocky in his new persona, pumped full of drink he spat in the gigantic man's face: "HEEEEEEYYY Yourself buddy!"
"Yo blondy," the giant began. "Do you want me to make the rest of your body as screwed up as that shag of yours or are you going to stop hitting on my lady, and leave while you're still in one piece?"
"Yp! Big-bottom, littlebrain, I was just telling your lady how much better she could do with me!" Luke did a sexy grind with his hips, the chains which hugged his skintight tattered, pleathur bodyglove clanked a sensual song as he emphasized his words.
Terhayne was dumbfounded. "Eh Cometrunner, I must 'ave a word with ya!"
"Later, baby druidish one. Be a sweetie and get me ash drink!" Luke pushed the smaller man towards the bar and turned back to the couple. He eyed the towering male and strutted - "You know what the ladies say to me at the midnight hour buddy - they cry 'MORE, MORE, MORE Awwwweeeeeeeeeugh!'"
The hulk didn't like that at all. "I'm gonna punch you into the next system freak!"
"Wait dear." The woman tried to hold her man back. "He means no harm, he's drunk as a blind womprat, let him be!"
"What's the matter sugar," Luke leered, "'fraid I can't stand up to your man?"
The barkeeper who was in earshot, groaned. 'Damn musicians,' he thought, 'why does Oily Novablinker deal with 'em anyway?' He noticed Skywalker picking up a repulsor stool, and the blond vagrant wasn't going to sit on it!
This didn't seem to bother the hulk though. "You asked for it, you blue-eyed porcupine!" he snarled.
"NO, NO FIGHTING!" the barkeeper yelled, "No blasters! This is a decent establishment!"
"Yeah, right and I'm the pope!" Terhayne muttered. "Aw bollocks!" He went after Luke, and was accidentally knocked unconscious, when the Jedi mistook him for one of the hulk's cronies. Luke pulled out his crude-looking lightsaber about to make his point known, but the bouncers threw him out of the club before he could ignite it. The long-haired youth followed, his body landing ever so ungracefully upon the hard ground. Tez would have to stop this falling business, it didn't do the bones good at all, his semi-conscious mind groaned: "Bloody HELL! That was soom entrance baby... oouch!"
REBEL YELL had arrived.
The morning after the birth of REBEL YELL... Luke's flat.
It was 6:00 am, or something close to that in the Jedi's Galaxy, when an incessant knock at Luke's door screamed through the warrior's head. Trying to ignore it, he heard himself mutter "Piss off!" to the presently invisible producer of the pounding.
Lando Calrissian had seen and heard a lot of strange things in his years of existence, but the shock of the weird curse that moaned from beyond the door of Luke's flat was up there at the utmost of weird. Come to think of it, the Jedi Master was acting quite a bit more bizarre than usual which did Lando'd nerves no good. Outside of his daily exercises, no one heard or saw Luke for the remainder of the day.
"Great! Leia's going to kill me!" Lando moaned. "First, her brother won't shake his monkdom, and now he's showing hermit tendencies. Why I ever got involved in all this." The general was beginning to worry. He'd hate to be the one to end Han and Leia's well deserved vacation early, but if the Solo's already quirky sibling kept on his present path, Lando would have no choice but to pull a C-3PO! With the thought of the bronze protocol droid, the Corellian smiled. Bet that ol' pirate just loves having ol' golden rod on the family outing. But this one," he sighed staring at the door which led into Skywalker's private chambers.
"This one, I better check in on later. Piss off? Man that's harsh!" With that Calrissian made towards the vast kitchen, a good meal would help clear the clouds in his mind. It was just too strange, everything that had been going on, these past few days. And he was determined to find out why.
Inside Luke's flat, moments later.
"Hey, Terhayne."
"Mmmm, don't like the time, Skywriter. It's too BLOODY EARLY for this!", the Briton yawned as he casually crawled out from his sleepwrap. His partially awake form stood naked before a dumbfounded Luke. More of the outlandish adornamentation assaulted those ice-blue eyes. They followed the complex patterns of purples, grays and black engraved into the flesh of the boy. Knots, endless knots- the weavework was glaring and hypnotic. This was nothing compared to the final and most painful looking ring which pierced the young man's privates. The vast amount of drink, combined with this garish mark proved to be too much for Luke. His stomach was well beyond - queasy.
"Cover up!", he demanded of the magical form.
"Oops, eh, sorry man," the boy apologized. "Still forgettin' that I'm. not at hoom. Usta roon 'bout skyclad all the time. It helps tremendously with harnessin' the powers of nature -" abruptly the youth's voice became gutteral, he almost growled - "Ilantisnoch croume Matyshie!" A horribly ghoulish gray light engulfed the young mage, fading as fast as it appeared. He was clothed, and by Yoda, this kid's clothes were more ridiculous than anything Luke had ever seen. A robe of clashing patterns and loud colors and those boots! They had the most elevated heels Skywalker could remember seeing!
"Look," Luke began, shaking his head. "I've got some things to do, you stay here and clean up the place. You owe me that much!"
Terhayne was amused by Luke's disgust and played along. "Oh sure, me master. I'll stay right 'ere, be a good boy I will! Now shall I clean the floor with me pit sir?"
Luke rolled his eyes and walked out, leaving the young Briton alone, but Tez would not be on his own for long.
The splunge wafti rolls that sat in Lando's stomach, churned in time with the throbbing in his skull. The event that had happened just minutes before was too much. It just was so not like Luke. He HAD to know what was up with that Jedi. "I'm going to regret this," he muttered as he strolled back to Luke's flat.
Terhayne cleaned up the place and stripped himself of his caftan. He would do what he wanted to. After all, most of his life had been spent in the interest of teaching others and for now, he wanted just to be free. Free with a bird or two, strumming his guitar and having a night of joyous, passionate sex. He wished Skywriter wasn't so uptight, though last night had seen a change in the older man, 'It's a start,' he sighed as his old V was slung over his left shoulder. As Tez plugged the instrument into an amplifier, it hissed in anticipation, awaiting the first surge of voltage melody, the Wizard was ready to work his magic! The notes screamed forth and he began to sing: "The world today is such a wicked play - aacccee!"
The alien food inside Lando thrashed about madly, indigestion would follow, but that was of no concern to the General as he raced towards the Jedi Master's apartment. Again he would be shocked, for as he drew closer to the habitude, Calrissian's ears could have sworn that the sounds coming from within Skywalker's pad were those born of torture! Horrible screams - like shrieking daemons - were clearly audible. There were some other noises as well, as if a concert violinist were possessed. Lando knew the secret combination of the lock that held the door in check. His fingers pushed it frantically. Leia would never forgive him, if anything happened to her brother. Bursting into the immaculate chambers he froze at the sight of the diminutive, and very naked human form before him. Luckily for Lando, the boy's back was to him.
"Who are you?!" Lando shouted over the infernal din.
"Don'tcha think I know what I'm doin' - alright!" Tez whirled around, guitar in hand lost in his latest attempt to pay homage to BLACK SABBATH and their banshee vocalist Ozzy Osbourne. The kid flashed peace signs into the face of the statue-like Corellian. "We luv u aaallllll!"
Lando cleared his throat and stared down the thing before him. In disgust he threw his cloak at the flamboyant boy, who thought nothing of the whole matter.
"Morning Sir!"
"Yeah right!" Lando growled. "Who in the name of Kessel are you?!"
"Terhayne Kelvynn Dunnhuei, General Calrissian!" the boy answered. Lando glared at the youth. "Ahem, did I mention I'm quite like Lord Skywalker, A Master of Magicks meself!" Tez bowed in a regal-like manner before Lando.
"What was that, that awful noise!" Lando demanded.
"Ha! Real music brother! Powerful musics, they be!" The young mage cackled as he went behind a dressing screen.
"And where is Luke?" Lando glared.
"Luke. Out on soom errand and the like, don'tcha worry I didn't eat 'im! Batoch Naimyt Dynoclaston!" A cloud of purple smoke engulfed Lando; as it cleared Calrissian rubbed his eyes at the sight just a meter away.
There was Tezzy in blinding yellow bells with purple, blue and green stars and moons, a loud orange fringe vest fell over his torso, and gracing the feet were a pair of peagreen boots with a platform heel that was just too much. A brown and purple floppy hat graced the boy's head, and his chestnut hair hung rakishly at his breast. A weird robe of beige, red and gold hung open over the mage's frame completing the look. Whatever it was supposed to accomplish? The General had stifled a smile, he had seen BAD dressers in his day, but this was ridiculous! And he couldn't insult a Jedi, even if they had bad taste in clothes. Lando almost liked this weirdo better naked.
"Heh. Joost coom out of the waterblast when ya bolted in General," Tez explained. "A little music after a shower makes me coom alive! Ya wanta drink? Got the best cider in the galaxy man! It's absolutely dynomite! Ya lookin' like a drinkin' man sir!"
"No," Lando hastily rejected the offer. "No thank you, ah, what's your name again?" he asked, distracted by the floppy hat on the boy's head. He already felt drunk just looking at the kid in his trashy attire.
"Terhayne Kelvynn Dunnhuei - Tezzy if ya can't pronounce the proper mate!"
"Yeah, well whatever!" Lando was getting ready to bolt. "Just tell Luke that I MUST talk to him. His sister's been asking about him when she's called and I've had to lie. You should stay put, go out like that and you're asking for trouble!" Lando warned.
"Good!" Tez exclaimed.
"What!?"
"Well, now General it's time for you to be goin' then, Force be with ya Sir, Bye," Tez said as he pushed Lando out the door.
Calrissian stared at the shut door, and muttered. "There's something not right here…"
Lando went with his gut feeling. He had to tell Leia and Han. His quarters weren't far from Luke's and Calrissian heard that awful noise again, as he strode to his private chambers faster than normal.
The holonet in the General's room was casual compared to the lavishness around it. Velvitan couches, with Bantha skins on the walls and floors. Satibs and silkett graced the wonook lined fluid bed. Crashing onto the bed with his favorite smokes Lando rang up his two closest friends.
TRANSMISSION TO Aptalat 9 commencing - go ahead General:
Han's face appeared, he looked unhappy. "Hey fellow scoundrel, what's exciting at your end! You must TELL ME!"
"I'm almost afraid to, Han," Lando began nervously. "Your brother's got some weirdo kid as a trainee, I think you two should come home as soon as possible. Luke's not acting like himself - stranger Han, he's acting stranger!"
"We can't until late tomorrow." Han frowned. "I'll let her holiness know, she'll call skyboy in the dawn. Weird ,huh?"
"Yeah," Lando breathed a mental sigh of relief. "He's got the longest hair I've ever seen on a man, and his clothes, they're worse than one of Jabba's Twi-lek pushers. A- W-F-U-L!!!!!"
"This I've got to see." Han laughed.
"Han," Lando's voice dropped, "I think ol' Luke got himself some trouble big time!"
"Thanks Lando, we'll see you soon."
That night… Iffy's Solar Flare Club
"Kay Cometrunnah. Here we go," Tezzy started. "Due to go against these other bands tonight. Ya look great."
Luke had to admit it was true. He almost wished Leia could see him like this, it made him think of when he saw her chained to Jabba. If she wasn't his sister… man!
"Hey, hey." The club owner cut Luke's thoughts short. "Lemme guess… you're REBEL YELL."
"Of course, we are! Should we be someone else?" Luke smirked, already getting into his Velocity persona.
Terhayne giggled. The guy learned fast.
"You boys," the owner began, unsure of his last statement as he caught sight of Tezzy. "You are a man?" He asked pointing at Terhayne's long locks.
"No, I'm the Pope! Course I'm a man, SEE!" the Briton unzipped his fly on his dayglo lime green bells slowly.
"Ah, no, no, my mistake," the owner replied nervously. "You should go over big, this crowd loves wild."
"Yeah, well that's what we are!" Luke chimed.
"You go on after BANTHA BUNDLES, in about 45 hexaminutes" the man stated.
"Bantha what?" Tezzy asked. "Haw, haw. Bleedin' Bantha, what a bollock name, eh Cometrunnah!"
"Totally Wizard!"
The owner showed them around, "Go ahead boys ,mingle."
Luke wandered about ,stunned by the vast array of women that were before him all gathered at the bar. All kinds, wild deserved - and most were staring at him. In the pleathur skinglove, all of his finely honed Jedi muscles were clearly defined. He expected Tez to be behind him, but caught sight of the younger man planted between two pink-haired beauties. He was kissing them already.
"Ey Cometrunnah, coom 'ere!" Luke strode over, trying not to look nervous, visions of Leia lying in her detention block on the Death Star came back to him - gosh how much he gawked! The girls smiled, one slowly licking her lips with a serpentine tongue as the blond warrior came closer. The fork-tongued girl slinked towards him.
"Hi handsome. Love your hair, and that eye! It's soooo blue, like you! What's the matter, don't I please you?" The girl wrapped her bare left leg around Luke's thigh. She slowly writhed up and down Luke's leg.Although it seemed wrong in the Jedi context, Skywalker was enjoying this. He blushed anyway.
"C'mon sugar, I can't believe you're shy darling!"
"Here blondy," Tez's girl said, "have some of this." She handed Luke a Flarescreamer - the most potent drink in the galaxy. It burned Luke's throat and the morality in his mind.
"Aw, um, thanks mama!" Tez frowned at this, shaking his chestnut mane in disgust. "NO, no, no man! Aye lassie he's a bit shy without soom drink. Look at me brother, like this…" he fondled his girl while crooning. "Hey sweetin, you are just the most hot rockin' mama I've ever seen! Coom let me show ya soom magick, pure, beautiful…" Terhayne was kissing his girl, lingering at the woman's ear. "Yoor eyes - like the pearls of the most glorious kind." Tez placed her hand on his groin. "Mmmmmm, yes, yes."
The girl didn't need directions as she greedily fondled the Wizard's crotch. The young Briton went cross-eyed with lust.
"Ooooh yes! Yes baby after our set I'll aconjure ya soom sweet dreams pet."
She giggled.
"There --- you see Cometrunnah, easy."
Luke looked at his mate.
"Oooh, I see you like bondage," she cooed at the Jedi.
"Um, eh yeah I do, just love it my lady," he answered.
"So we can tie each other down and…"
The club owner's timing was unwelcome. "Ah, excuse me playboys, you're on in 10 hexamins."
"Cripes! Well, we'll be back Kitty!"
"Definitely stay tuned baby!"
"Sure Velocity, can't wait." She kissed Skywalker, and he just fell into the embrace. There was no awkwardness or anything, and he loved it.
"Ladies and Gentlebeings, for the first time anywhere I present the wild stylings of REBEL YELL!"
Luke strode up to the mike, another two Flarescreamers pulsing through his body. Suddenly with the eruption of the music he went wild.
"Auuuugggghh baby!" he shrieked, grinding his hips. The chains binding his waist clanked in time with the throbbing music, and all around female aliens, droids and humans fainted.
The first chords from Tezzy's guitar shattered the indifference of the unsuspecting audience. A couple of drunk Jawas began to shake their heads in disbelief, their three Corellian comrades rolling their eyes in unison.
"By the stars! What the hell is this noise?!" one of the pirates screeched.
"**Yuk, yuk, give me Squisla's Cantina Bema anytime!**" the first Jawa gurgled.
"These kids today, man!" another of the smugglers sighed.
With that a crowd of Twi'leks and Raiders strode by and spit at the quintet.
"Man, this bunch is rockin'! It's about time we had some kickass asteroid slamming music!"
"Alright REBEL YELL Aw!" One of the Twi'leki females pranced in front of the complaining rogues. "Hey you know what they say guys, IF IT'S TOO LOUD YOU'RE TOO OLD!" she cooed.
The group of youths laughed heartily and made their way closer to the stage.
"I hate to say this," one Corellian began, "but I think those kids are right. This noise is just too much. What is with these young ones today?"
"**They're deaf.**"
"Yeah Slimat, I think you're right. C'mon let's blow this joint."
"Hye, hya Hey! On my left, a man who needs no introduction, but I'll tell ya anyway!" Luke did a Jedi flip and landed a meter before Terhayne - the boy was shrouded in a brass colored robe, and his face was veiled by a mysterious white mask, he looked much taller with the pink eight inch platform boots on - "This here is the Wizard!"
Tezzy bowed and sang: "Matnatra, ishnoch flaggine!"
The crowd was awed by the multihued unicorn the boy conjured, the horse breathed a single roar of green flame before vanishing. Tez held out his two hands, smiling beneath the mask. Bolts of red lightning flashed between his fingers as he struck the first chord on his old V. Luke continued shrieking and pointed to two random Twi'lekkian women, and writhed. The dance floor was littered with two more unconscious female bodies, as the Twi'leks fainted. The music began and continued for two glorious hours.
Abruptly in a flash of blue light, REBEL YELL ended their set with a bang. The audience cheered, and women ran to find the two new popular minstrels backstage.
Next morning, Luke's flat
"Aaaaaww man! Force be with me!" Terhayne grumbled. He was still clad in his lime green bells. Yawning, Tez scratched his crotch, just noticing a hole in the flares that hadn't been there the night before. He nudged Luke. "Rise and shine porcupine!"
"Aaaannnnneuguhthhh, what the heck happened last night?"
"Sex, noise and drink and sex and drink and SEX!"
"I thought so," the Jedi replied huskily, "That was fun."
"Yeah, I knew ya'd be likin' it," Tezzy was all smiles. "The way all the women were jus a itching to be bonked by ya! Hee, hee! Man, Skywriter, ya worse than me ya are! Quite the ladies man, mate! All work and no play makes Luke a dull boy, baby!"
Luke didn't hear the Holonet transmission that was coming into focus.
"Luke? Luke?" a strong female voice asked. "Where are you?"
Terhayne noticed the woman first and licked his lips. "Eh, eh, eh… Luke. Who is the absolute astral mama man? She's like the most cosmic femme going - I MUST HAVE 'ERE!"
In shock, Luke saw his sister on the Holonet. She was searching for him.
"Ah Tezzy, how do I look?" Luke asked.
"Like ya fell in a dung heap!"
"Nuts! Listen use your magic to make me look presentable huh?" Luke begged.
"You can't do that?!"
"It's considered vain, and evil…" Luke began.
"Oh bloody brother! Take out the outfit ya wanna wear!"
"LUKE!" Leia exclaimed, "Damn it where are you?"
"Ah, I'm getting dressed Leia… I'll be right with you, ah okay."
"Are you alright?" she asked.
Terhayne figured that this was Skywalker's sister, and that he better play up the charms. "Bishbannock alitalan mosdran!" he said pointing one of his long fingers in Luke's direction. In a flash of purple light, the older man looked perfect. He walked over to the Holonet.
"Good Morning Leia. How's the holiday?"
"Fine now. Where the heck have you been the last few days!?" she asked. "Really Luke, this isn't like you at all."
Suddenly both of them heard the chuckle of a sickly man, stunned Luke whirled around to see where the frail voice was coming from. It came form Terhayne! The younger man was shrouded in a tattered gray cloak, strands of gray (!) hair straggled from underneath the filthy hood.
"Heh, my apologies… Mis…tress Solo. Seems that I've been a taking oop all of your brother's time, aye, aye," he coughed, the reedy voice continuing, "Found me, beat-en 'n an… alley, Miss…tress, 'tis sick am I. Towns… folk, ack, don't be wantin' no booms about. " He slowly walked towards the Holonet. Throwing back the hood so she could see him. He was gaunt and gray, and filthy. Luke tried not to show his shock. Leia was beginning to show tears at the corners of her eyes. "P-please, miss…tress don'tcha be mad at Mas…ter Luke. He's a only-ack-doin' wot cooms best ta him. I'm so sorry to 'ave taken him away froom you."
"Little one, forgive me," Leia finally spoke. "I had no idea Luke was tending to you. I am not angry at him. Maybe I should come home and help you Luke?" she asked.
"Yessss!" Tez growled.
"Ah no!" Luke asserted, nudging Tez and glaring at him out of Leia's line of vision. "Really Leia, I have everything under control. He's better than he was yesterday."
"It would be most lovely to have the great princess 'ere too," Tez said softly. "But I've 'lready caused enough trouble, 'isten to ya wise brother-ack!"
"Oh Luke!" Leia cried.
"Leia, no!" Luke began, "really, don't break your vacation to tend to yet another person. He looks far worse than he is."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes sister, I am sure."
"Goodbye Luke… oh, Han wants to say hello." She moved away, and Han's vision replaced her.
"Hey kid, whooooaaa who is that?" Han peered hard over Luke's shoulder.
Luke did a double take as Terhayne walked around the room looking healthy, rosey-cheeked and-as-usual flamboyant. A lambskin coat hung open over hiphugger orange bells, the long hair straight to the chest. Tez's nose ring glinted majestically from all the light in the room.
"New girlfriend?" Han asked with a wink, "She's cute kid, but has awful taste in clothes. Hey missy, you take care of my brother okay? Be a good girl!"
"Eh Luke who the bloody hell is that?" Terhayne asked coming back to Luke's side. "Wot! Wait, you called me a lassie! For your information I'm a bloke!" Tez shrieked as he mooned Solo. "Bastards! It's like you sorta neva seen a lad with hair like mine! Stoopid bugger!"
Luke wanted to knock his head against the wall. It wasn't that far from his skull.
"Ah, yeah, right my mistake," Han replied confused, then looked at Luke. "Kid, who the hell is that?"
"Me name, ya stooped git ,is Terhayne Kelvynn Dunnhuei, I'm Luke's new apprentice." Tezzy interposed himself between Luke and the Holonet. "Who's the astral mama man!"
"MY WIFE!" Han exclaimed.
"Ah so ya won't mind if I get a bit o' crumpet froom her then?"
"What?!" Han exploded.
"Splendid! I thought ya'd agree!" Tezzy smirked.
"Luke…"
"Uh-huh, Han…" the Jedi spat wearily.
"We'll be home soon kid, and is this ah, kid, really your apprentice?"
"Yup… when are you going to get back?" Luke asked, pushing Tezzy out of the Holonet's view.
"You can't hide him Luke, I've already seen him," Han stated. "Lando's worried that he's no good, and he certainly is a BAD dresser! What the heck are you doing getting hooked up with someone like that?" the Corellian asked.
"He's very powerful Han, as strong as I am," Luke admitted.
"Great, kid, just great. See you later - oh, would you patch me over to Chewie?"
"Yeah, sure."
Lando's flat
"Lando?!"
"Oh Han," Lando gushed. "Thank the stars bro', am I glad to see you!"
"We're coming home today," Han began. "I want you to follow Luke, try to find out where he's going with that freaky kid. Then Leia and I will accompany you to their final destination.
"Wait, this sounds hush, hush. We're going to spy on them?" Lando asked, not too sure he wanted to try to trail a Jedi.
"Yeah! I don't like the weirdo. He's just too much, and doesn't seem the Jedi type at all," Han snorted.
"Agreed. I'm going to head back to his flat," Lando said. "I'll have Chewie meet you at your usual private dock."
"Thanks Lando--"
"Oh, I almost forgot. How was the vacation buddy?"
"Nothing to phone home about…" Han frowned. "No one was a happy camper. It'll be good to get home. See you soon."
"Right."
Lando strode casually back to Luke's flat. As he was about to rap on the door, it opened. Standing a meter away, pointing with an extremely long index finger was Tezzy.
"'Ello again. 'Ey Luke, General Calrissian coom acallin - please coom in, coom in."
"Thank you," Lando replied acidly.
"Oh Lando," Luke motioned toward Tezzy, "ah, you know Terhayne."
"Yes, we've met Luke," Lando stated. "Ah, hey, you guys got plans tonight?"
"Sex, drugs and rock n roll man!" Luke almost fainted at the bluntness that fell out of the kid's mouth. "Heh. You're usta that now, we do all our Jedi stoof early on and then go and have fun. Skywriter's in need of some serious fun. Wouldn't ya agree?" Tezzy asked Lando.
"So where are you going tonight to have all this 'fun'?" Lando asked.
"Eh soom club called Blitzy's Balls…"
"Not Blitzy's Asteroid Ball Club?" Lando asked incredulous.
"Yeah that un! Wanna coom?"
"Well, no this is your game kiddo, I think I'm too old for that crowd," Calrissian pulled Luke away from Terhayne and whispered. "Luke, is this 'fun' what you've been doing since he showed up?"
"Yeah, but Lando PLEASE don't tell Leia," Luke begged. "I wake up not remembering what happened except that no one gets hurt."
"You're drinking?!" Lando nearly choked. "Man, oh man Han would be on the floor if he knew about this! You're finally loosening up that's not bad Luke. But why don't I trust ,ah ,h-i-m?"
"He's nice, but out of his mind," Luke replied about Tezzy.
"Yeah, I guess that sums it up."
"Oh Han and Leia are coming home tomorrow right?" Luke asked.
"Yeah…"
"Better clean up 'round here. Thanks Lando."
Nightfall, Blitzy's Asteroid Ball Club
Han, Leia and Lando were dressed in their most outlandish garb with the Princess wearing something akin to that dancer's attire from Jabba. Lando and Han wore tattered fatigues with pleathur trenchit coats over them. All three wore half masks and face paint which disguised their famous features as they mixed into the crowd. Leia casually began to gleam information about the night's festivities from some of the regulars.
"Oh darling you should go up front for REBEL YELL! What a band. And their singer is soooo sexy. A one-eyed spikey haired blond that just is THE MOST!"
"Oooooh really?" Leia asked playing along. "Sexy blonds are my type."
"Oh you forgot the little one," another woman objected. "The mysterious one, the wizard."
"Yeah, he's cute. I like his long hair and the rings in his nose and ear."
With the mention of the adornments Lando walked over to the trio of ladies. Nose ring? Lando remembered seeing someone with a nose ring recently, and it totally turned him off. Wait there was only one person with long hair and a nose ring. THAT Tezzy character! And he played the guitar. That blond - could it be Luke? Naaahhh! Better keep quiet. Lando beckoned Han.
"Hey - Scar - buddy, these ladies are trying to sell your woman to some rock band!"
"What?" Han exclaimed and moved to Leia's side. "Excuse me, this is my girl."
"Oh, you never let me have any fun!" the disguised Princess joked.
The girl Leia had been talking to turned to Solo. "Yeah, you're kind of rough and tumble - I like that, why don't you let her have Velocity Cometrunner!"
Another half dozen females surrounded them screaming: "Velocity's ours!"
"He doesn't want her! He wants me!"
"No, he wants me!"
"Ah, pardon who is this Velocity person?"
"The singer in REBEL YELL!" half a dozen answered. "They're due on in half an hour. They rule!"
"Well, Smutta dear," Leia began, "I WANT to see this Cometrunner guy if he's all these ladies make him out to be. Maybe I will give you to him!" Scar-er-Solo smirked. Leia shared the crooked grin, and said nothing.
Half an hour later
REBEL YELL came on, and the disguised trio stood behind a throng of women and couldn't believe their eyes. Luke did a Jedi leap and landed on his knees before the front row of admirers.
"Oh my god, that isn't, ah ,our Luke?"
"By the Force,it IS!" Han smiled. "I can't believe it, but he's a natural ham."
"Wait, who is that? In the robes behind Luke?" Lando asked.
The mysterious figure came up to the mike and growled, "Nasimanyt Grot Aynoech!" In a puff of smoke Terhayne appeared sans robe in a spangled purple tunic and flare combo offset with dayglo flowers, his long hair was streaked with gray and green, again eight inch pink platforms graced his feet. "Ah yes, we're REBEL YELL Baby!" Tezzy screeched as his eyes caught sight of Leia. He almost fell off the stage. A Twi'lekkian girl grabbed at his groin and he turned his attentions to her and his guitar. Two hours of thunderous heavy rock ensued, and finally the band's set was over.
"We better get out of here. I'll be talking to my twin tomorrow. He cannot sing to save his life!" Leia said with a chuckle.
Meanwhile, Luke and Tezzy were backstage. A fork-tongued green-skinned female was draped about the youth until she saw Luke and dropped Tez for the Jedi. The young mage walked away singing "After Forever" in his best Ozzylike wail. As he strode out of Luke's path he overheard a trio of large, ugly male things.
"Yeah that REBEL YELL, they stole our crowds, our women! We should kick their rears into subspace!"
"Yeah, let's get them, there's that cocky blond!"
Tezzy didn't like the sound of this, he had to tell Luke. "Matraine och ulenae!" Tez teleported himself between Luke and the alien. "Ah, 'cuse me, Cometrunnah we must go, I sense some BIG TROUB-------"
"YOU! REBEL YELL!"
"Yeah?" Luke asked, "What do you want?"
"We're TUSKEN RAIDER, we don't like you with your fancy shows, ugly clothes and big mouths - we're gonna kick your asses, you and that girly sidekick of yours, the one with the hormone problem!"
"WOT! Right you bastard, enjoy yoor trip." Tezzy's stealth and diminutive frame enabled him to wrap his platform adorned foot around the calf of the largest bulk. The tall being crashed violently to the floor, while Dunnhuei pranced about him cackling in a most evil tone. This awoke the dormant Force powers in Skywalker, who wondered why he hadn't sensed the RAIDER lot up until now. The alien girl had long since fled, afraid of the wicked gleam in Tezzy's eyes. Luke not wanting to draw attention to his Jedi prowess, almost silently used the Jedi mind trick to make the trio of giant scum forget what they were mad about.
"C'mon, we have to get back to my flat, and clean up," Luke stated. "My sister is far worse than this bunch when she's mad."
"Beautiful… the little one with the scrumptious bum, dynomite!" Luke could only stare at the little Briton, not exactly understanding the slang that came out of the boy's mouth. "Oh,ah ,Cometrunnah, I'll catch oop with ya - meself has got a bit of unfinished businezz to attend ta."
"Uh-huh!"
Lando's flat
"That was Luke and his strange little Jedi apprentice wasn't it?"
"Yeah…"
"What do we do?"
Leia broke her silence to interrupt Lando and Han's conversation. "I think we should wait until morning, and surprise my darling brother, and that little one, I can't wait to talk to HIM!"
"Honey…" Han began.
"Yes ,dear?"
"Ah, would you leave the saber here, no darkside stuff please."
The Princess playfully smacked her husband. "You goofy nerfherder! Oh, ah, Lando, thanks."
"For screwing up your vacation?" Lando asked.
"Naah, Threepio saw to that!" Han stated.
The three laughed. Calrissian left the couple to themselves in his private bed chambers to sleep, and plunked himself down on the scoopacouch.
Next morning. Luke's flat
Luke did quite the clean up job on the apartment, however, it wasn't complete. He had no idea what to do with the kid's eyesore rags. Luke showered, and changed into the traditional Jedi onepiece jumpsuit. He looked very Masterlike and smiled. There was no trace of his alter ego, Velocity Cometrunner. His thoughts were blanked by the gentle knock on the door. Only one person rapped upon doors with such a regal panache, his sister, Leia. Without hesitation, Skywalker opened the door to his relatives.
"Hey kid!" Han exclaimed. "Looking good, looking good."
"Thanks… come in, come in."
"Luke, dear, where is that sickly little Jedi you were training?" Leia asked looking around.
"Ah, he's out collecting medicine, I thought the fresh air would do his virus some good." Luke stumbled over his answer.
"Really…"
"Of course."
Leia wasn't buying this, but she refused to bring up the band thing, that was more Han's style. Surprisingly, Solo was silent now.
"May I see him?" Leia asked, "perhaps I can administer some healing. You know, I've had plenty of practice with our children."
"You don't think I can?" Luke asked offended.
"Kid, you're Warrior, not a healer."
"But…"
The door suddenly flung open. There two Twi'lek females clad in very skimpy attire stared in awe at Luke, behind the women was Tezzy. The boy dressed very conservatively in a tattered flannel shirt and denim flares, he stunk of narcotic smoke. His long locks were a mess.
"They ah made me bring 'em 'ere," he said.
"OHHH, VELOCITY!" The women threw themselves at Luke wrapping their headtails suggestively around his throat and torso.
"Sick,Velocity?!"
"Ah well, um…"
Terhayne sat happily on the floor in between the twins staring at Leia.
"Wot o' bit ohhh crumpet!" Lost in his high - he sighed, drooling.
The Princess didn't notice Tez.
"Luke, you've got some explaining to do," Leia demanded.
"I don't know these women!" Luke protested.
"Velocity! Darling what about last night?" the first Twi'lek cooed.
"And don't forget the eve before that!" her sister sang.
"Luke!"
"Really, I…"
Leia stood up unaware that Tezzy had a clear view underneath her dress - he was not disappointed at the view. Licking his lips, gleefully giggling, his eyes crossed briefly before he passed out. A huge grin appeared on his face.
"Luke…"
"Leia!" the blue-eyed twin croaked.
"I have two things to say to you sweet brother," Leia began. "One - keep your day job, and Two - you can lie just about as well as you sing - Cometrunner!"
Tez wasn't the only unconscious form on the floor now, feeling the effects of the week of alcohol abuse and shocked at her revelation, Skywalker felt the room spin and his world go black.
REBEL YELL went down bad, but you know the saying: It's better to pass out than to fade
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