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| Revenge Of The Jedi |
Revenge Of The Jedi
The two young men looked like typical galactic youth, sauntering
through the spaceport’s shopping district, pushing through crowds of humans, aliens and
droids. They arrived at their destination, a huge two-story shop.
"Here it is, Luke!" Wedge Antilles whispered excitedly. "Trader
Hondo’s Comics and Memorabilia Shop... the largest of its kind in the galaxy!"
"Wow," Luke gasped in awe. "They sure didn’t have anything like this on
ol’ Tatooine."
"Now, are you glad you volunteered for the mission out here?"Wedge
asked.
"Yeah, you bet!" Luke replied. "And they all thought I was doing it
out of the goodness of my heart! Ha!"
"Well, just don’t show Leia your rare copy of Toxic Jock Versus
RoboVampire Number One." Wedge said.
"She’d kill me if she found out." Luke made a face. "I mean, this
is the kind of thing Han would do. Well, what are we waiting for? There’s a holocomic in
there with my name on it!"
As Wedge browsed through the huge shop, Luke pressed up to the sealed display case
full of rare and expensive holocomics. He spotted the prize he had been seeking. A mint
condition copy of Toxic Jock Versus RoboVampire. Tears welled up in his eyes as he gazed
at the holographic foil cover, featuring Toxic Jock with his familiar spiked armor,
impossibly bulging muscles, and a mini-arsenal of supercharges weapons. RoboVampire was
leaping toward the superhero, huge metallic fangs ready to pierce his victim’s neck. In the
background, Toxic Jock’s then-girlfriend (that is, before the 50th issue wedding
extravaganza) Cyberslut, cowered in terror, her more-than-ample breasts heaving away.
The Ithorian shopkeeper approached Luke. "May I help you, young
Human?" He asked in a strange stereophonic voice.
"Yes," Luke replied. "I’d like to purchase that copy of Toxic Jock
Versus RoboVampire, please."
"Ah, excellent choice," the Ithorian said. "That is a very fine
comic." The Ithorian retrieved the holocomic from the case, and let Luke examine it.
"I’ll take it!" Luke grinned, taking out the 100 credits he had
been scrimping and saving for months. He had even resorted to Han’s suggestion that he use
coins people tossed into public fountains.
"Hell, kid, I did it all the time," the Corellian had said. "Like
some stupid coin’s gonna make your wish come true. What a waste of money..."
After Wedge bought some comics for himself, both young men left
the shop.
" Oooh, lemmee see it,” Wedge begged.
"Okay, but don’t breathe on it or smudge it or anything," Luke
said, gingerly taking the plastic-wrapped holocomic out of the shop’s sack. Just as he was
about to place it into Wedge’s hands, a blaster bolt zinged past his head.
"Oh no!" Luke exclaimed. "The Imps?!?"
Five stormtroopers stood twenty feet away. "There are the Rebel
spies!" One of them exclaimed. "Fry ‘em!"
People and droids were rushing in all directions to get out of
the way.
Luke and Wedge dove for cover, drew their blasters, and returned
fire. Hundreds of rounds were exchanged, but nobody was getting hit. Things were starting
to get boring, when a stormtrooper’s blaster bolt incinerated Luke’s precious holocomic book.
"NO!!!" Luke shrieked, his eyes bulging with anger, sorrow, and
disbelief. "You’re all gonna die for this, you sons-of-Banthas!" Luke cried in fury at the
stormtroopers;running toward them, his blaster firing.
"Luke," Came the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi, his dead Jedi mentor.
"Beware. Anger and aggression lead to the Dark Side."
" Shut up, Ben!" Luke exclaimed. "They shot my holocomic!" In
moments, he had mowed down all five Imperials.
"Luke, let’s get outta here!" Wedge cried, running toward the
launch ports."Mazzy’s waiting for us!"
Luke had no choice but to follow his friend.
Luke and Wedge successfully escaped from the spaceport on a
Rebel privateer’s vessel. As it sped through hyperspace toward Alliance headquarters, Luke
sat in silent mourning in the passenger area.
Wedge came up beside him and draped a blanket over Luke’s
shoulders.
"There’s nothing you could’ve done," Wedge tried to console him.
"I’m sorry. I know how much getting that holocomic meant to you."
" Thanks, pal," Luke said. "But I’m not gonna take this one lying
down. Not this time.The Empire took my father, my aunt, my uncle, my childhood friend, my
current best friend, my mentor, and my hand. Now, they have taken my holocomic, and this
time they’re gonna pay. With the Force as my ally... someone’s gonna pay."
Governor Quimbo cackled evilly to himself as he went over the
day’s schedule on his data pad. He was flying on the shuttle Tydirium to the Stenness
System, where he hoped to get some bribes from the child slavery rings that operated there.
Without warning, two of his stormtroopers shot three others with
their blaster rifles.
"What is going on here?" The old governor screeched. The two
stormtroopers aimed their blaster rifles at him.
"We’re going to the holocomic convention on Hootenanny IV," One
stormtrooper announced.
" Holocomic convention?!? I thought you stormtroopers couldn’t read!"
" Maybe so." Luke took off his helmet. "But, we’re not stormtroopers!"
" Luke Skywalker?!" The Imperial gaped. "How did you get on board
my ship?"
" It wasn’t too hard." Luke grinned. "I used Jedi mind tricks on
your crew to lure them away, and substituted them with myself, and my friend."
The old governor shook with anger." I demand you Rebels take me
back to my home planet at once!"
" Request denied," Luke stated. " We’re going to Hootenanny IV. You
are the Imperial Governor responsible for sending those stormtroopers after me, and Wedge,
the ones who shot up my holocomic. I saved months and months for that holocomic. You
Imperial yutzes have screwed me over for the last time. And now... You’re going to replace
my holocomic."
"What if I don’t want to buy you a new comic?" The governor asked.
Luke and his Rebel comrade leaned in closer with their blaster rifles.
"You don’t want to know." The young Jedi said.
The shuttle Tydirium landed next to the Hootenanny IV Grand
Hotel, site of the second-largest annual holocomic convention in the galaxy. Luke put his
stormtrooper helmet back on and nudged Governor Quimbo toward the shuttle’s disembarkation
ramp with his blaster.
" No funny stuff, Governor, or you’re toast." Luke warned. The old
governor could only hiss in reply. Luke walked directly behind the Imperial, his blaster
discreetly at the enemy’s back.
Governor Quimbo went up to the ticket booth, and since he was
immediately recognized by the droid working there, got a free pass for himself and his
guard.
" Now, nice and easy, let’s make our way around to the dealer’s
tables." Luke said.
They entered the huge dealer’s area, filled with eager holocomic
fans of all ages and species. The governor barely hid his distaste for the badly-dressed,
hygiene-free youths running all round him.
" Stop there!" Luke said into the governor’s ear. The Jedi had spotted another mint
copy of Toxic Jock Versus RoboVampire Number One." Go up to the booth, and ask the guy
there how much he wants for Toxic Jock Versus RoboVampire."
The governor looked at Luke as if he was insane. "Do you expect me,
the governor of a hundred planets, to speak with that slobbering tub of lard?"
" Go on," Luke replied, jabbing the blaster into the small of the
governor’s back." He won’t bite."
The dealer was almost as tall as he was wide, and almost as
hairy as a Wookiee. He had a perpetual snarl on his face. A burnt-out cigarra dangled from
one corner of his mouth.
" Whaddya want, Pops?" The dealer asked.
" How much is that copy of Toxic Jock Versus RoboVampire?"
The dealer looked at the holocomic on display behind him." Errr... 150
credits."
"150 credits!" Luke exclaimed." Don’t let this guy rip you off. Try
to talk it down."
The governor shrugged." How about 90 credits?"
" Sheesh! You must be kiddin’," the dealer laughed. "This is a mint
condition copy of a rare holocomic. I’ll let ya have it for 130."
" 95."
" 120."
" 99."
" 110."
" 99, and that’s my final offer!" The governor said.
" 100, and THAT’S my final offer!" The dealer snapped.
Luke nodded." Fair enough." He said to the governor.
" Fair enough." The governor sighed, handing the dealer a 100-credit
chip.
" Thanks, Pops," The dealer said as he handed the governor the
holocomic. " You have a nice day."
Luke snatched the holocomic away." This way." He said to the
governor, leading him away from the dealers to a deserted part of the hotel. Luke found a
storage closet and activated the door release. The closet door snap-hissed open.
" Thanks for the holocomic," Luke said. "But I’m afraid I’m going
to have to leave you here. Into the closet."
" You can’t leave me here with these... nerds! This is an outrage!"
Luke pushed the governor inside the closet and sealed the door shut.
He then fired a blaster bolt into the door controls.
" He’ll be there for a while.|"Luke thought to himself. As he
dashed away toward an exit, he could hear the hapless governor bang on the door and cry
for help.
Within moments, the Imperial shuttle was up and on its way back
into space.
Luke and his companions were warmly welcomed when they returned
to the Alliance’s flagship, Shindig V. Rebels cheered, threw confetti, and popped open
bottles of Calamari rotgut (it was all they could afford) as Luke stepped off the shuttle.
Princess Leia rushed forward and hugged Luke tightly. " I’m so proud
of you." She said. "Not only did you get your comic replaced, you stole an Imperial shuttle
for us. You are so cool."
" Well, yeah I guess you’re right." Luke said with a modest smile.
" Now that I have my holocomic, we can concentrate on other things, like fighting the Empire
and rescuing Han from Jabba the Hutt. Speaking of which, on the way back, I had some ideas
for sneaking into Jabba’s palace. I was thinking, I can infiltrate the palace disguised
as a moon disc delivery boy..."
" Needs work, Luke..."
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