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| Still Life With A Ghost |
Still Life With A Ghost
"What now?"
Chewie's soft whimper was more of an answer than a question. Leia and Lando reacted at the same time.
"After the bounty hunter. " Lando answered; Leia completed the response. " We may be in time to save Han."
"He went to Tatooine. " Chewie shook his great, furry head. " The Hutt will not kill him. I know Jabba; more likely he'll want a long torture."
"There's no time to waste." Lando was pursued by his own, personal, demons. " God knows how long Han can survive the Hutt's imaginative inventions."
"Han is tough." Chewie responded. " And clever."
"So is the Hutt. " Lando grimaced as he began to pace, then stopped to listen to a faint sound from the rear cabins. " Who is the boy, anyway?"
"His name is Luke Skywalker." Leia explained. " He is the Rebel who blew up the Death Star, and an apprentice Jedi. Vader wants him desperately."
"Desperately... I'd say!" Lando muttered. " Must be some kid if he was to be carbon frozen, not just captured and bound; as if Vader had been afraid of him."
" I don't know," Leia shrugged, rising from the acceleration couch. " Luke is a very good pilot, a good warrior; and he does have some Jedi powers, but nothing that significant! Anyway, Luke is safe now,
and I'm not having Han killed by some small-time gangster like Jabba! We've dealt with more dangerous advesaries before."
Calrissian's opinion of the Princess rose another notch.
"Good for you." He said under his breath.
The harsh beep of one ofthe Falcon's alarms interrupted their discussion. Lando leaned over the the auxiliary instrument panel and let out a terrified yell.
Chewbacca didn't need to be told; he was already in the cockpit.
"Chewie, BANK!"
The Wookiee grabbed a lever, but his fingers slipped as the ship lurched under a tremendous blow. All onboard lights blinked out.
" What the hell?" Lando was on the floor, trying to stand. He finally managed to and followed Leia through the dark passageway leading to the cockpit.
"Congratulations." Leia managed sarcastically, as they both saw what lay beyond the viewport. " We bumped into a small moon."
Chewie, still in his seat, howled desperately.
"It should not have been here!" He wailed.
"I don't think anything is where is should be around here." Lando settled into the pilot's seat, breathing hard. " Destroying a whole planet has that effect on nearby bodies, I'm afraid. More accurate calculations are needed,
remapping the whole..."
" You can remap anything you wish." Leia snapped. "But right now, our first concern should be assessing the damage. This bucket has a secondary life support system, doesn't it?"
"It used to." Chewie shrugged. "But Han traded it for supplies about a year ago, when we were hard up."
"Splendid!" Leia muttered from the navigator's chair. " Do we have enough air to last until we die of starvation; or are we going to freeze to death first?"
"There is an emergency loop in the binary wiring!" Chewbacca announced as he stood up and headed for the back. " I can give you full life-support
in five minutes-I hope- and manual controls too."
Leia left Lando alone at the controls to follow the Wookiee to the back.
Luke, she remembered, was strapped to the bed in Han's cabin. By the time she reached him, the lights were on. She saw that he was still unconscious , and the sight of his battered face frightened her.
I resisted Vader once, she thought with a shudder, and it had no such effect on me. It was as if Luke had lost a part of his soul, not merely his hand.
Merely?
What would it mean to the blond farmboy, the Princess wondered, to live with an artificial hand? She pulled the blanket higher, and Luke flinched. Maybe there was more, she worried.
What if, because of his Force sensitivity Vader had power over him?
She could not help but wonder if Luke was still sane.
The pale candleflame of that question still flickered in the back of Leia's mind when, at the end of the day, she surveyed the bleak landscape around the Falcon.
They had landed, not without difficulty, at the nearest habitable place; the Great Moon of Yeem.
Habitable! , she scoffed. Save for a small group of natives and the usual collection of
suspicious traders, Yeem's moon had nothing. Ankle deep dust covered the surface. A few, blackened, dead trees spoke of a failed
effort to bring flora to the land and-in the distance-mountain ridges rose like the carcass of some gigantic animal.
Lando and Chewie never even looked at the place. They were too frantic about repairs. If they were to survive, they
needed the ship in working order. As it was now, not even the food-synth worked.
Leia left the bleak view of the landscape to return to Luke.
As she unfastened the acceleration straps that had been left on to prevent a fall in his sem-conscious state,
Luke's eyes snapped open in horror. Seeing,recognizing, her his expression softened.
"I'll survive." He managed, his voice hoarse.
" Here, let me get you some water." Leia offered; but when she tried the tap she found that it, too, was
still out of commission. " Well, I can't. I'm sorry!" She swore, frustrated. " This useless ship! We're stuck here until Lando and Chewie..."
" Lando?" Luke murmured.
" Never mind, it's a long story. Han...he..." The Princess started to cry.
" Is Han dead?" Luke asked softly.
" No...I don't know." She replied, gaining control over her emotions as she brushed tears from her cheeks. " The bounty hunter got him."
" He will deal with that, I'm sure." Luke said hopefully, trying to comfort her.
" He can't. He's been put into carbon freeze."
" Why?"
" Vader wanted to test the facility before he put you in. " Leia answered bluntly. " Why did you come to Bespin, Luke? How had
Vader known you'd come? Why would he want to carbonize you?"
Luke sat bolt upright, pale as a ghost.
" He baited me," He blurted. " And I was dumb enough to jump. I wanted to help you, Leia. Vader counted
on that. I failed. I'm nothing compared to him. I can't fight him, because I can't win. If he finds me, I'll end up
just like him, and there's nothing I can do about it."
" That can't be true!" Leia argued. She couldn't believe that; but it frightened her that Luke did.
" The Alliance is better off without me. " Luke continued, his voice barely audible. " Vader will follow
me, no matter what. I'm endangering all of you." For a brief moment, he looked directly into her eyes, then closed his own, moaning softly.
She knew then that he was sane, despite everything that he had undergone; but by what insane rules, she
thought bitterly, did he have to play?
Luke tried to moisten his cracked lips, then continued; his gaze fixed on the bulkhead.
" I wanted to die on Bespin. It was the best idea I'd had in a long time. God knows why I stayed
alive. I'm sorry I called you. You should have gone your own way, focused on rescuing Han. I'm so sorry, so sorry Leia...I
should have let go of that weather vane, but I was too feverish to think straight. Still, if now..."
His gaze went to the blaster in Leia's belt.
Realizing what he was thinking, Leia's fingers tightened into fists.
&nbap; " If I have to lose Han, must I lose you too?" She challenged.
" What am I that you want to keep?"
" The best thing that ever happened to the Alliance." The Princess replied tightly. Luke's plaintive question was more personal
than she could presently face. " Really, Luke, you'll get a bio-mechanical in a few days and it will feel prefectly natural. You can't be this
provincial."
" My hand?" He frowned. Obviously, she was thinking of his maimed arm. He was not.
" What is it then?" Leia asked, reacting to his expression. " You must tell me. What has Vader done to you?"
" He told me something, it pulled the ground from under me."
" You believed Vader, Luke?" Leia gaped, bewildered. " Come on, he would easily lie!"
" He didn't." Luke's words fell, leaden. " Your Kenobi did."
Leia found herself shivering. Her father had trusted Kenobi implicitly; how could she imagine him a liar? But then, neither was Luke.
It was too much to consider. Luke's health was all that mattered now.
" Your lips are bleeding." She murmured automatically. " I must get you some water."
When she returned, only moments later, he was already asleep.
By morning both Lando and Chewie were grim; although the repairs had gone well. There was food and water and adequate heat.
The Great Moon was chilly, but they had sorted out most of the significant problems.
Leia listened to their explanations without understanding. The only thing clear enough was that they might be stuck in the
inhospitable place for several weeks.
" Jabba did this for money?" Leia thought aloud, trying not to imagine what the gangsters might be doing to Han. " What good is
Han to him carbonized?"
" The Hutt might cage him, put him on display." Chewie speculated. " He'd want him as an example to others. It just occurred to me
that, for all Han knows, we are prisoners of Vader. He will know that he cannot count on us."
Leia groaned at the thought of Han feeling helplessly alone.
" Well," Chewie shrugged." At least he won't wonder what keeps us from rescuing him; and he will do whatever he has to to stay alive."
" He has considerable skills at that. " Lando remarked, looking away from the valve he was welding. " Courage, Princess. At least Jabba is no Vader."
Chewie did not comment on that; he had seen men tortured to death for less than Han had done.
" There's nothing we can do. " Lando concluded. " But to try and get off this dustball. Pity the boy is sick; he could give us a hand."
" He is rather short of hands at the moment." Luke's tired voice replied.
He stood in the doorway, still unsteady on his feet but less feverish than before. Half of his face was swollen and bruised. " I'll do what I can." He added.
Leia thought he was trying to smile.
A short time later, Leia guided a pale, tired Luke to the common room. Chewie and Lando were somewhere belowdecks, shouting at each other; but between the
Princess and Luke there was an uneasy silence. Leia sat across the holochess table, watching as Luke sipped listlessly at a mug of hot broth.
" Do you still want to die?" Leia whispered, afraid of his answer. His eyes were vacant, as if the Luke she knew were already gone.
" I think you can use, as Lando said, every hand." Luke made a valiant effort to smile. " Half a person as I am, I will give you-and Han- all I have left.
Dying would be a great comfort to me now, Leia;but I can wait. I owe too much to all of you."
He was grateful, and she could not understand it. Whatever Vader had done to Luke, it had completely destroyed his self esteem. What had he said about Kenobi lying?
" Luke, why do you think Kenobi lied to you?" Leia wondered.
" Please, Leia, I have so little left." Luke whispered. " Let me forget about Kenobi, just for now. Let me be just Luke from Tatooine, helping you fix the Falcon
helping you find Han. Help me to pretend that I have no business with Jedi Generals and Sith Lords."
The desperate plea in his eyes shook her whole being.
" Luke, whatever Vader told you," She began. " Why won't you tell me? I might be able to see it in a different light. What could he have said? That you are destined
to turn to the Dark side? You know it's not true. Vader can't foretell the future."
He stood up abruptly and winced.
Leia forgot the whole theoretical question; her practical side took over.
" Come," She offered gently. " Let me help you out of these filthy clothes. There's water now. You can wash."
Luke's shoulders and back were a mass of darkening bruises. She moved to unfasten his pants, but he stepped away.
" I'd rather Chewie helped me." He whispered.
Leia smiled, understanding, and went to call Chewbacca
She felt better about leaving him alone now. A little time had been gained; a little more and Luke would be himself again-but what could Kenobi have said that Luke would have interpreted as a lie?
She tried to remember what Luke had told her about the General, but Kenobi had apparently not been very informative. Short of the fact that Luke's father had been a splendid Jedi..named Skywalker
Leia paused in the corridor.
Skywalker's had been prevalent on Alderaan, as well as on other planets. The Skywalker lords rarely had less than ten children each, mostly twins, many without inheritance.Most
became Jedi's It had even been rumored that Vader was some lesser Skywalker. As much as Leia knew about her real mother; she too could have come from the Skywalker bloodline.
Could the Sithlord have told that they might be related somehow? That still wouldn't make Kenobi a liar.
Luke will tell me in time,,consoled herself. He feels responsible for Han. That had to be what ate at him; and his poor body, so much abused. Would she ever know how he had gotten the bruises?
She hoped Han was in no worse shape.
They worked hard on the Falcon; Chewie had excellent ideas.on how to rig systems to bypass damaged systems, and Lando was a tireless, precise worker. Leia did what she could, mostly electrical work.
Luke insisted on helping, amazing them all with what he could do with the Force, levitating equipment, lifting parts.
Although the work left him drained and pale, Leia let him do it; knowing that his feelings of uselessness would be a lot worse if he remained idle.
So, when their food ran low at week's end, it was Luke who went to explore the countryside looking for supplies. Wrapped in Han's blue, thermal coat he headed towards the nearest
settlement. On the endless, gray plain his slight figure soon disappeared in a cloud of fine, gray dust.
"I'll go after him." Chewie growled two days later. " He was in bad shape; anything could have happened to him. Besides, we gotta eat. By tomorrow we'll be out of kasha, and that's it."
" He had no way to defend himself." Lando added, worried. " And he carried money."
" He has the Force." Leia argued, refusing to share their worries. " Give him time."
As it turned out, she was right. Luke returned in the morning, covered with the fine, gray dust that clung to his eyelashes, his lips. He coughed violently, but his pack was full of standard rations."
" Enough for a week, I suppose. " He explained as soon as he could talk. " The dust..." He doubled over with a cough. " Gets into your lungs. Much finer than Tatooine sand; better not to go outside.
There's a small village about twelve hours away on foot. Decent people. They are so wary of strangers that they wanted to stone me at first, but...they took pity on me.:"
Leia lowered her head, trying to imagine how the young warrior felt; but Luke showed no signs of resentment. It was as if he needed forgiveness so badly that he welcomed any sort of compassion.
Gods of Alderaan, she thought, what kind of poison had Vader fed him?
Day after day the Princess tried to get Luke to talk, only to give up when he begged-" Let me forget about it, Leia. Please."
Luke's bruises had healed, and soon he didn't need the cast on his severed wrist; but the spark never returned to his eyes. Many times he would reach for something with his right hand, then stop-flinching with embarassment-and use his left.
A standard week had gone by uneventfully for those aboard the Millenium Falcon; the repairs were nearly complete and soon the search for Han would begin.
Leia found the nights difficult to face. While Lando slept soundly in the Falcon's exxtra bunk, and Chewbacca-ever wary- dozed in the cockpit, the Princess habitually sat up in the ships lounge.
Some nights she kept herself busy reviewing supply and logistics problems that faced the Alliance. Once, Luke had joined her in a game of holo-chess.
This particular evening she sat on the curved acceleration couch in the common room, braiding an endless length of fine wire for one of Chewbacca's jury-rigged systems. Leia would have enjoyed Luke's company, but he had been in Han's cabin since he'd returned from another
supply trip. He had, she assumed, gone right to bed. Well, she thought, beginning another length of wire, he needed his rest.
It was only moments later when Luke shuffled, barefoot, into the lounge to settle- without a word- at her feet. He leaned back against the couch with a tired sigh.
Closing his eyes, he rested his head against her knee.
Leia didn't speak at first, but studied him silently; noticing how thin he had become- his waist was so narrow- and how his still damp hair looked like gold against her dark jumpsuit.
" Luke?" She finally ventured. " I know I've been bothering you about Bespin, and I understand if you don't want to talk about what happened there; but can you tell me where your were before?
Where you learned to use the Force so well?"
" Dagobah." He answered softly, without opening his eyes. " There is a Jedi Master there."
" A Jedi?" The Princess could hardly have been more surprised. " Why doesn't he come to help the Alliance?"
Luke turned abruptly, facing her with a slightly bemused expression on his face.
" He's a teacher, not a fighter. Not that he could not...he never explained; neither did Kenobi. Both of them wanted me to learn warrior skills:swordfight, endurance, patience.
Both of them wanted me to kill Vader; but they told me I wasn't ready to do it. They tried to hold me back. Then I sensed your pain, on Bespin, and- damn fool that I was- I wanted to help. They warned me that I
could not, that I would imperil you. How right they were."
"Maybe they were right about other things too." Leia surmised.
" I don't know right from wrong anymore." Luke sighed, rubbing the stump of his right hand. " I did what I believed was right, and that's the best anyone can ever do.
What I believed was right was wrong." He bit his lip. " I sound like Kenobi."
" I never met him." Leia reminded gently.
" Well, this is how he talks." Luke appeared amused; a cynical expression hardened on his face, making him look older. " What I believed right was wrong. What's wrong, right. You must take a left
to remain in the middle. Trust your feelings, so you can ignore them better. Trust your feelings! My feeling told me to go to Bespin, then he tells me not to go. Is there such a thing as Jedi double-talk?"
" I don't know." Leia replied. " You're the only Jedi I've ever met."
Luke's laugh was short, and bitter, as he lay back on the floor.
"Discount this experience. I'm not Jedi; and I'm not sure I want to be one."
Leia saw his eyes beginning to close, then he was asleep on the floor. She knew it was best not to wake him. He slep alarmingly little, and then only when practically overcome with exhaustion.
Then, she knew, he would be drawn into a nightmare and would wake within a few hours with a cry, his torn shirt drenched with sweat.
Luke repeatedly denied that he was overly concerned with the loss of his hand; but Leia was convinced it had to be the root of his problems. At least she hoped it was.
It started, and she sighed, looking at him.
Luke made a small sound and his face, wet with perspiration, contorted with the horror of something only he could see. His head moved from side to side, then the scream came. His eyes snapped open and he jerked upright.
" I know what will help." Leia threw the braids of wire aside. " Wait, I'll get something."
Luke shrugged and staggered to his feet, rubbing his eyes.
It wrenched her heart to see how he raised both arms to his face, then dropped the right one.
The Princess hurried to Han's cabin, hoping that Lando and Chewie hadn't taken what she wanted:Han's collection of various liquors. They hadn't, most of it was there. She
picked up the most vicious one and carried it back to Luke.
He was up, trying to shake off the exhaustion, fighting against going back to sleep.
" Here, drink this." Leia urged, giving Luke the bottle. She made sure she offered it to his left hand, not his right. He noticed such efforts, which made her feel even worse.
"You need sleep, for God's sake. You'll kill yourself staying on your feet for days. Drink it..."
There was an almost hopeful smile on his face.
" I might as well try." He nodded, uncorking the bottle. " I've never been drunk before." He took a long swig, then coughed violently. " Doesn't taste good."
He obediently finished the better part of it in minutes.
" What am I supposed to feel?"
Then he knew. His head swam in a warm haze that seemed to envelop, gradually, his whole body.
"Nice." He managed to say. " Thanks, very nice..."
Leia hugged him, then slipped her right arm around his waist.
"Now get to bed." She urged as she walked him toward Han's cabin.
Luke enjoyed the embrace; he didn't want to let go. With an almost forgotten feeling of relaxation, his face looked younger, flushed. The warmth of his body reached her through their clothes.
Leia thought of Han as Luke's arms tightened around her. This was the first time his embrace was, unmistabably, that of a man.
He trembled. Her arms went around his neck and he found her lips.
She wanted it now, both for herself and for him; for themselves and against fate that had taken his right hand, his future, her home planet, he pirate lover. She wanted it as she wanted life itself.
She fumbled with his clothes and he made no move; just repeated her name again and again. With thanks, with wonder, with hope...
He buried his face in her neck, her hair wet with his tears.
"Darling," Leia whispered, pulling him down on the bed. " Darling, hold me..."
He did; and she accepted him, letting... demanding... the bodily intrusion.
The sensation intoxicated Luke more than the brandy. It shocked and revived his to learn that life could hold so much pleasure. At first he dared not move, so absorbed was he in the physical miracle of the intimacy; but when he did his passion delighted her.
She talked to him; finding every endearing word, every loving praise to comfort, to free, to heal him.
Luke said nothing but her name, over and over; with amazement, with gratitude and, at the end, with ecstacy.
As Leia relaxed, molded in his arms, she saw his eyes closing in peaceful sleep. Reaching for a blanket, she covered him before rising to return to her own cabin.
Would Luke remember in the morning; or would he think it part of his tired, drunken dreams? Which ever way it was going to be, she was ready to accept it.
Han? Han would have to understand. This had been their gain, not his loss. Nothing could have been more natural, more lifesaving, she thought. Nothing could have helped us more.
Nothing can make me regret it.
Somewhere, on another plane of existence, Ben Kenobi's spirit shivered.
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